The Mystic and The Engineer

5 Lessons from The Mystic and The Engineer

Recently, a very dear client of mine passed away suddenly. I was one of the family healers for him and his wife Peggy who passed last year. This is a bittersweet moment for me. Bitter because I miss them and sweet because they are now reunited in love on the other side.
I wrote this below for the family as they are putting together a memoirs journal. I wanted to share our story here because the lessons are eternal and inclusive. It can benefit everyone. Please have a read and even though you may not know them, please send a prayer of thanks for them to hear on the other side. I want them to know they are very much loved and cared for.
Dominick and I have some history that will forever be remembered fondly. I am so very grateful to have been part of his and Peggy’s life for so long and as much as I miss them both, I am so thankful and happy they are together again. Dancing in the stars ayyy Dom? Dancing in the stars.
I am happy to share my story with them and yes it is them for me, because they were interchangeable Dom and Peggy. I have my fondest memories of them both and to speak on one would be impossible. They were a team, soulmates and twin flames. They were inseparable. So here we go, here is my story of Dominick…and Peggy.
Dominick breezed into my life like a magician, full of whirlwind energy, questions, jokes and always debates. This is the story of the Mystic and the Engineer, both coming from different worlds but uniting in love of wisdom and healing.
I first met Dominick in 2014 when he brought his wife Peggy to me for massages. She liked it (yay) so I began what I would later discover, a journey of spiritual growth and emotional maturity for me with this couple. I started by seeing Peggy once a month to once every two weeks (by her request) and then to once a week. I started with massages but eventually moved into spiritual healing which she thoroughly enjoyed. For many years, I was her weekly healer and our visits were like a visit to the salon. Peggy would take every opportunity to “bash talk” Dominick and he would just smile and wait patiently in the waiting room for her. He never got cross or upset, he took it all in stride and his eyes….his eyes shown with love for Peggy. She could do no wrong by him and I was in awe of that.
That was my first lesson- a lesson about love. I learned from this amazing couple about the true nature of long term relationships. I learned you could love someone faults and all. I learned that love never dies when Peggy passed and Dominick still talked about her with a smile on his face as if she was still there. Truthfully, she was. She visited him every chance she could get and it proved to me that love truly never dies.
Dominick knew about the metaphysical side of life and he kept trying to convince Peggy about it. She wouldn’t have it! He would try to convince me to convince her and I would laugh. Have you met Peggy? That woman is strong willed like you Dominick! He would laugh at me and say, “But Uma if anyone could get her to see this side of life, it would be you. She loves you and listens to you.”
The funny thing is, Peggy did come around but not because of me. One day while I was doing her energy work, her Father (who is in Spirit) came into the room. He told me details that Peggy could verify and told her he was concerned about her strength and wanted her to use small dumbbells. Of course these messages shook Peggy up, she cried during the session and related it to Dominick. She then demanded to go to the store right now and buy dumbbells. She was a believer from there on out.
This was my second lesson- We don’t have to impose our will on someone else about the spiritual side of life. Leave it to God, He will make it known in a special and meaningful way.
After that session, Dominick wanted a reading with me. I was hesitant honestly because I knew his skepticism. I also knew his determination to get what he wants! So we planned the appointment. Immediately one of Dominick’s old friends came through, his friend Bill and talked about the old days and the bars they went to and where they worked. Oh Dom loved it! He cried in his session too but tears of joy! He said it felt like a visit with an old friend, he was grateful. The only thing he couldn’t verify was the red convertible that Bill kept showing me. He said I was mistaken, I said I wasn’t and there we entered into one of our weekly fights.
When he left, he received a call from Bill’s nephew- someone he did not speak to for many years and he thought, what a coincidence! He told the nephew about our visit and all the things I said. He ended by saying I only got one thing wrong- the red convertible. Bill’s nephew said, “Oh Uncle Dominick, you wouldn’t know about the red convertible, that was before he met you but man he loved that car!”
Dominick was shocked and astounded. He later wrote me an email and then apologized to me in person. He said, “Uma I always thought mediums were hocus pocus. I thought they were really psychics reading people’s minds and memories. What you and Bill did, has changed my mind. I understand now that we can communicate with the other side. Uma you are truly a medium.”
This was my third lesson-Spirit is intricate and intelligent. They will answer the call and do so with infinite wisdom. As a medium, I just have to trust and follow the messages.
After Peggy started improving under my care, Dominick decided to see me for sessions too. He would schedule two sessions a week with me, one for Peggy and one for him. His sessions were metaphysical in nature. He loved healing and readings, so we did those. Without fail, Dominick would debate me every time! He would question my technique, my logic and my knowledge. He would bring books for me to read and one time a photo of my eyes! It came to him in a meetup he went to with a medium who manifested these eyes on paper and he said this was Dominick’s spiritual guide. We both knew it was me and to this day I still have it in my office.
This was my fourth lesson- as much as I am the teacher, I am also the student. Dominick and I interchanged the student-teacher role many times and I can’t help but scowl a little because he finally won over this battle. He will now be the ultimate teacher from the other side as he got there before me. You won this round Dom!
When Peggy’s health started declining, I knew it was time for her to rest. There was one session, the last session that I knew I would see her. I got her comfortable on the table and went to lay hands on her for her weekly healing session and she gently moved my hands away. I sat there with tears in my eyes. We knew, it was time. So I talked to her for the rest of the session and at the end, I told Dominick that I would call him. We talked and I told him that I cannot see Peggy anymore, she is ready to move on. True to form, he at first argued with me and then accepted it. He asked me a difficult question, about the timing of her passing, I was hesitant to respond because I don’t do readings like this but all I could see in that moment was a frightened man who didn’t know for the first time, what his future held. So we talked about it, I told him to skip the idea of the adult nursing home, she would pass within the year and she did. Our twice a week sessions went down to one- just Dom and in this timeline I was able to see a range of emotions from him. Dom was always pleasant and a joker almost. But I could see behind the facade and one day, I called him out on it. He tried at first to lie to me but then he gave in and let out a whirlwind of expletives. I matched him. We cursed back and forth for thirty minutes and then we both broke out laughing until we cried. Dom was under a lot of pressure to do the right thing, to take care of Peggy and also to atone for past mistakes. He was in the belly of the beast now and with every deterioration of Peggy’s health, he came closer and closer to his truth.
After Peggy’s passing, we saw less of Dominick. He moved out of the area and began traveling and dating! This was his second wind, I was so so happy to see this for him. See for five years, I have only really seen him as the caretaker. Now I was able to see him as him- a man full of life, love and desire to learn and grow. He was unstoppable.
The last time I saw Dominick was this summer. He came to our tent at the Manassas First Fridays in Old Town and it was such a beautiful surprise. Rob and I hugged him and chatted with him for awhile. He was full of life and joy. That is the memory I will hold on to of him. It’s funny because after that day, Rob and I said to each other, “This is the last time we will see him. This is our goodbye.” At the time we thought it was because of his move to MD, we did not know it was to be his final goodbye.
This was my fifth lesson- you never know when it will be the last time you see someone, so make every moment count. I am glad that my last farewell with Dominick was true to our form- him laughing and having a good time (at my expense) and me working and doing what I love. It was a beautiful sunny day and Rob was eating an ice cream with Dominick. It couldn’t have been a more perfect day.
These people, Dominick and Peggy became more than clients to me. They were friends. They came to my house, to my personal parties and more. I knew about their children and grandchildren. I am so very thankful to the family  for letting me know of Dom’s passing. Even though I have work, I am cancelling it so I can be there. Life is precious and death is an opportunity to celebrate someone one last time. I plan to celebrate the engineer, the nurse and all the lessons we learned together.
xo Uma
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Summering is ON

I love lessons…they grow me and humble me at the same time.

Every summer I tend to take OFF from work and travel the whole time. 🗽🗼

I mean the whole darn time! 
School’s out? LET’S GO! 

Over the years as my center grew. The demand for my time grew as well. 

When I would take off for Summer, it would get met with complaints and sometimes even suggestions that I was being selfish. 🤔

SO…..I did what any caring and thoughtful person would do, I changed my summer schedule so instead of being gone 100% of the time, I was only gone 40%.💚💙🧡💜💛

I will admit, I was a bit sad about it because I love to travel (Sag Rising here) and with my kids safely tucked away at grandma’s house for the summer, I was ready to FLY.

But I wanted to honor the requests of my clients and really….I was also curious to see how business would be in the summer time.

Well guess what happened?

I’m here….ready to work AND
🚫 No clients
🚫 No students
🚫 No full classes

I am literally sitting here….twiddling my thumbs. 🤬🤬🤬

What a wakeup call!

SO lesson learned!

Next summer I am OUTTA here again!

And this time, I will not allow myself to have the FEELs when clients and students express their disapproval. I will remind them of the summer of 2019 and leave it at that! 🤣

Now that Summer is halfway over, I have redirected my energy yet again. It pays to be flexible so you can roll with the punches!

I cancelled some of my classes, rescheduled some and cut my work load wayyyyyy down. I bought some summer reading books at Barnes and Noble and am now having a staycation instead!

I’m talking:

  • Daytime naps
  • Late night Netflix and Hulu binging
  • Hanging with my hunny in new areas around town
  • Catching up with friends through lunches and dinners
  • Lots of summer reading!

So I made a mistake, big whoop. It happens. The most important thing is to evaluate, analyze and redirect as quickly as you can.

In the “Think and Grow Rich” book, Napolean Hill talks about Being DECISIVE is a key ingredient for a successful entrepreneur. I couldn’t agree more!

It is great to make decisions but it is also needed to be able to change those decisions and make better decisions based on your feelings.

Does anyone else relate to this?

Have you changed your life or done something for others instead of yourself and regretted it?

Were you able to stay with the original decision or did you make a change and move quickly and swiftly forward in that new direction?

As an entrepreneur have you put the needs of your clients over your own?

I may be 10 years in the game as a spiritual entrepreneur but I love these awakening moments that help me create the life I truly desire.

SO I am going to return to Summering.
Thank you for listening and hopefully you are having a happy summer too!
Xo Uma

How Conscious Am I?

 

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Have you ever had the thought: How Conscious Am I?

Probably not. It’s not something to think about….or is it?

I myself did not have the thought until recently when I noticed the shifting within myself was so vast and the changes were so noticeable that I had to ask this question.

A little backstory. At the time of writing this blog (trust me it’s not the day you are reading it!), I had completed 100 days of daily meditation. Consistently.

I am an avid meditator and have been meditating since 2009 but let’s be honest, life happened and I missed a day or two or six months. But no matter what happened, I would always get back on the serene horse and meditate again.

Why?

-Because it made me feel good

-Because it set the mood and intent for me to have a peaceful and calm day

-Because my partner, kids, anyone who was in my life required it

-Because I noticed that I stopped poking my nose into other people’s businesses (hello FB) and started minding my own

and the list goes on. I am not one to have habits but meditating is a habit I just can’t seem to break. SO being that it is stuck with me and I am stuck with it, I decided to do a little research into what meditation can do for me.

Of course this idea came to me today (the day I wrote this blog) on the 100th day of meditation. Well played Universe, well played.

So this is what I found. Read on and learn. Keep this question alive as you read, “Where do I see myself in this list?”

It is in Vedantic philosophy and Vedic Psychology of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi we can find knowledge on something called the seven states of Consciousness. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is the founder of the Transcendental Meditation (TM) movement. He describes the seven states of consciousness as:

  1. Deep Sleep
  2. Dream States
  3. Waking Consciousness
  4. Transcendental Consciousness
  5. Cosmic Consciousness
  6. God Consciousness
  7. Unity Consciousness

The first three states of Consciousness are accessible to every human being with a nervous system. They are part and parcel of the whole human existence thing.

Deep sleep we know (or would like to know some nights!) because we all sleep. What is interesting is that even though we sleep, we still have some level of awareness. Take for instance if there is a fire or the alarm goes off, most of us, if not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, can and will wake up. It is almost as if the mind and body are asleep but the Spirit is still awake and ensuring our safety.

In dream states, there is much activity that plays out in stories our minds create from our subconscious realms. It feels real! Even though we are dreaming, they are so vivid and real that we cannot tell it is a dream until we awake.

Waking Consciousness is supposedly our awake and aware state. I say supposedly because I actually prefer Vedanta’s take on it. According to Vedanta (Hindu philosophy), in life we wake from the dream states and enter another dream (smile). All of life can be seen as a dream! What is real and not real depends on the viewer and how they respond to it….just like a dream. 

The fourth stage and above is not available to every being. It is only available to those who go higher. Mostly this means meditation and self awareness.

Transcendental Consciousness:

A large body of research has indicated that during practice of meditation a fourth major state of consciousness, transcendental consciousness, is produced (Chalmers, Clements, Schenkluhn, & Weinless, in press; Orme-Johnson & Farrow, 1977).

This level of consciousness represents a state of restful alertness or awareness without drama as I like to call it. It can be seen in someone with a calm mind, peaceful purpose, inner knowing and contentment.

It is wholeness, aware of itself, devoid of difference, beyond the division of subject and object—transcendental consciousness.

In this state, a person is in company for blissful experiences not bound by thought or perceptions that create division, suffering or judgment. This state differs from the waking consciousness where the person perceives objects of experience as external and separate from himself. The individual self is experienced as localized or bound in time and space. This is why Maharishi (1969) refers to the status of the self experienced in the normal waking state as the small or lower self. This lower self is only concerned with egoic desires such as money, career, relationships, clothing, etc….

A person who wants to master themselves have to master the lower self first and this means taking the mind from the gross fields of existence to the subtler fields, until the subtlest field of relative existence is transcended.

Cosmic Consciousness:

The fifth level of consciousness is often referred to as the “Witness Consciousness” because it is here that you determine the consciousness is YOU everything else is your Self.

When you meditate and achieve transcendental consciousness, that is the first step beyond the normal realms of living. When you consistently meditate and stay in the fourth level, your nervous system stays in contact with this state of consciousness and you develop the ability to keep that inner silence while you perform other things such as thinking thoughts, being active and participating in life. Eventually it stabilizes and becomes a permanent state of consciousness which is this fifth level or Cosmic Consciousness. 

Everything becomes….quieter. The Ego that was raising hell to be seen, noticed or heard now dissipates. You begin to see the transitory state of everything, people, life, relationships, material possessions.

As uncommon as this state is for most people, it is still only one of the unfoldments in consciousness development. It is in fact the first of the permanent awakening but it is the beginning step.

God Consciousness

The beauty of unfolding is that there are still deeper layers to go and this is the case of the 6th Consciousness or God Consciousness.

As you transcend thought, you reach the inner Self, the Atman as Vedic Studies refer to it. It is here that you find the deepening of the bliss received from the 4th and 5th levels.

Your perception changes. You no longer see the surface issues presented to you and this is why you become Love. Your heart is expanded and your knowing is increased. You can only find joy and delight in everything, including the uncomfortable or setbacks in life. You are able to see how everything plays a role in the grand opera of life and this knowledge brings peace and bliss to you.

As this develops, so too does devotion. Devotion can be seen in a religious, spiritual, universal way or even more generalized. You have reverence for everything and everyone, every experience in life and this is why we call it the God Consciousness.

Unity Consciousness 

In Unity Consciousness, we see no difference. I am myself and myself is All. “Where once was the inner and the outer, the real and the unreal, the Self and the non-Self, the absolute and the relative, the eternal and the temporal — there is now only One.”

It is the full awakening where a person can be at peace and love with life wholly and fully. Completely engrained within the living of life and also completely engrained within all.

“This seventh state of consciousness could very well be called the unified state of consciousness because in that state, the ultimate value of the object, infinite and unmanifest, is made lively when the conscious mind, being lively in the unbounded value of awareness, falls on the object. The object is cognized in terms of the pure subjective value of unbounded, unmanifest awareness…. In this unified state of consciousness, the experiencer and the object of experience have both been brought to the same level of infinite value and this encompasses the entire phenomenon of perception and action as well. The gulf between the knower and the object of his knowing has been bridged. When the unbounded perceiver is able to cognize the object in its total reality, cognizing the infinite value of the object, which was hitherto unseen, then the perception can be called total or of supreme value. In this state, the full value of knowledge has been gained, and we can finally speak of complete knowledge.”(Maharishi)

I have to say that even though I am an avid meditator, it is only now (ten years later) that I am reaching if not fully engrained on the last two stages. It took awhile, but I am not hard on myself about it. I am just glad to be here.

Some of you might ask me, “What does it feel like Uma?”

While I cannot be a spokesperson for everyone who has touched the last three levels, I can speak from personal experience and this is what I have felt myself:

  1. I am happy

All of the time. Even when my water heater breaks down in the same week my dishwasher sprung a leak and after I worked eight hours to produce 85 slides for a class and none could be shown because the laptop wouldn’t connect to the TV…..all of the time happy! I know, sounds weird, but truly I floated through all of it.

2. I am peaceful

My partner and I have been together for four years now and those early years were rocky! I needed and required so much of his attention. Now it’s different. I no longer require him to be part of my process. I in fact am quite happy by myself. There are weekends I actually request time to myself for no particular reason. I just like the presence of me, and this (for a recovering codependent personality) is refreshing.

3. I am more intimate in my connections

Having touched the deeper parts of my Soul somehow makes it easier for me to do the same with other people. People have always been drawn to me because of my personality but I have noticed a shift. It seems like people are drawn to me now by my presence. I can feel it too, it feels like I emanate love without trying. From my limited perception, I would say that in my successful quest to knowing myself and knowing the world intimately, I have maintained the essence of that journey and it is a scent picked up by new hunters. They thirst for the same experience and I exude a fountain of it.

4. I am Aware.

The best part (to me) of reaching higher states of consciousness is the amount of awareness that I have about myself, people and life. I don’t fall for the *bs* anymore. Even better, I realize the *bs* is most times unknown also to the person feeding it to me.

This proved a dilemma in the beginning of my awakening. How do I proceed?

At first I would call people out on it. The lack of comeback because they were too stunned to respond made me realize that I was calling people out on things that they themselves did not realize. The reality of my words hit them so hard that it made ME feel bad.

So then I stopped doing that and instead tried to tell them what I knew and what I saw. This backfired too, because I was speaking to most people in a waking consciousness state. I literally had people say to me, “I don’t understand the words coming out of your mouth.” Even though I was speaking casually and normally, it sounded like a foreign language to them. Interesting.

So now, with my state of awareness, I say nothing. I do not engage. If I see someone acting from a place of unconsciousness, I leave it be. If they ask my opinion or want to know what my perspective is, I am happy to share. Otherwise, I keep my mouth shut, my heart open, my awareness on fleek and continue to have a peaceful existence.

It is with consciousness my life has improved. And now because of how much it has helped me tremendously, it is my deepest desire that we have the majority if not all people living from a state of consciousness. I can imagine what this world would look and feel like if we were all consciously living. It would resemble something like this:

Husband and Wife having a disagreement:

Wife: “You are so lazy, I can’t stand it.”

Husband: “Are you saying I am lazy because there are things to do around the house and I am not doing as much as you think I should?”

Wife: “Yes that’s it. I do everything around here and you just sit around and watch t.v”

Husband: “Do you think I can do more than what I currently do so you can have the opportunity to relax in your own way as well?”

Wife: “I would love to relax! But I am always working! And yes seeing you relax makes me angry because I have no time to relax.”

Husband: “Ok what can I help you with today in this moment so you can take some time for yourself to relax?”

Wife: lists all the things she has to do and works with husband to finish them or put off until tomorrow. 

Husband: “Now that we have created some space before dinner, would you like to join me in watching this show?”

Wife: “Actually no dear, you continue. I am going to draw myself a nice bath and soak for a bit before dinner. And I apologize for calling you lazy. I am projecting my own issues onto you instead of taking the time to communicate with you about them.”

Husband: “Apology accepted and I too apologize for not tuning into your frustration and stepping up to talk with you about what you were going through. Let’s make the rest of this evening a peaceful one.”

Hey I can hope and dream right? 🙂

Well, I can do more than that….I can educate, inspire and gently nudge people in the right direction….the path to meditation and unfoldment.

So here is your gentle push. Start today. Start with five minutes a day of complete silence and work your way up. I now meditate 30 minutes a day sometimes twice a day. I am working my way up to 40 minutes. You can be here too. Trust me, just start with 5 minutes and see what happens.

In the meantime I am going to go back to my regular schedule of staying in a state of awareness. Love to you all and blessed be

xo Uma

Umaselfie

 

Uma Alexandra Beepat is an intuitive consultant, psychic medium and spiritual teacher located in Northern VA. To learn more about Uma, visit http://www.umalotusflower.com

Mercury Retrograde in Pisces

We are in the middle of a mercury retrograde, the first one of three this year, and I have to say, it hasn’t been quite bad! I have been enjoying it more than I usually do and my upsets seem to be related to technology only. Whew!

Definitely a treat compared to when Mercury was retrograde in Aries last year. Much different energy!

Today we will talk about what mercury retrograde in Pisces means and how to safely navigate out of one. This current retrograde period ends on March 28th and we have a little room to breathe before we are hit with three more planetary retrogrades in April.

If you have never heard of Mercury retrograde or understand the issues that tend to arise during this period, read all about it here.

Mercury Retrograde in Pisces brings about a conundrum of sorts. Mercury is at home in the signs of Gemini and Virgo. Virgoan and Gemini interest is in the details and well, that wouldn’t work in the watery sign of Pisces.

In Pisces, there is a need to take a wider, more expansive, mystical view of life. Most people do not like change, so if you tend to be rigid in thinking or controlling in thought, this can be a very challenging time for you. Expect things to shift to create chaos to get you to uncling from these hard and fast beliefs. Going with the flow is so necessary now and being able to change at a moment’s notice will make it easier.

I myself have had to reroute regularly, sometimes even hourly! But this is the beauty of learning about life outside of our viewpoint. In learning about retrogrades and especially this one in Pisces, it has helped me keep an open mind and see change as fantastic and not something to be feared.

Indeed I am an Earth sign and have a couple of signs in my chart that are mutable (non fixed) so going with the flow is easy for me. There are some signs that are definitely impacted more than most this season and they are:

Signs Mostly Affected this Pisces Season:

  1. Water Signs-Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio

As a water sign, you already know how to swim effortlessly through change so keep at it! Allow yourself to expand, redirect, change directions and take risks. Others may not support you or even doubt you but don’t let them! You are in swimming season, so keep your positivity up and watch some amazing things happen this retrograde season!

  1. Fire Signs- Aries, Leo and Sagittarius

Cool down fire sign! You may be struggling this season because there is an innate tendency in fire signs to want to WIN no matter what the cost. In this retrograde season you can expect to see your important relationships challenged. It can be home, personal, business or in the community. Before you make sudden and drastic decisions (impulsive much?), take a breath, CALM DOWN and wait this season out. If you don’t take this time out, you can create much damage that may not be repaired.

Tips to Flow during this Season:

No matter what sign you are, for the remainder of the retrograde season, do these three things or place some importance on them:

  1. Allow yourself to daydream

You are having a hard time with a project at work. Instead of contemplating the solution with what you have available (may not be much), imagine a different outcome if you lived in a “perfect world” and you had every resource available to you.

This kind of daydreaming is what Pisces energy is built on! Allow your mindset to drift and imagine bigger and better things than you currently have. You may be surprised to see some of your outlandish dreams coming true or heading in that direction!

2. Self Care focus and take breaks

Many of us have noticed with the advent of this retrograde period, we just couldn’t seem to get out of bed. Ohhhhh the energy drain! As much as we are SUPPOSED to take care of ourselves all of the time, it is especially crucial during a retrograde season.

I am pretty good about taking my daily multivitamins and probiotics but come retrograde time, I am fanatical about taking them every day! I also tend to go to bed earlier, have more nap times during the day and be willing to be break commitments to honor my energy.

Work at the pace that you can comfortably. A retrograde doesn’t last forever! With the incoming new moon in April, you can expect to get that drive back and have interest in all the things prompt and fast moving!

3. Hold space for others and/or limit social time 

Many people do not follow astrology or pay attention to these deeply impactful planetary movements. Forgive them anyway. 🙂

The beauty of knowledge is that it becomes wisdom when shared or experienced. This information you learn, is not meant to be storehoused in a corner of your brain until you die! No, no, no! You learn, you grow and you expand…..this in turn helps you to help other people.

Maybe no one wants to listen to you go on and on about planets. Cool. When THEY start getting irritated or frustrated, don’t judge them or make fun of them, take a higher approach and hold space for them.

Also, it is ok and perfectly normal to pull away from people in general when you are in a retrograde period. It is a time of deep introspection so if you feel to curl up in your home and spend some time by yourself, have at it! Build your energy for the times you do feel social.

Tips to leaving a Retrograde Period: 

As we come to the end of mercury retrograde in Pisces on March 28th, here are some realistic expectations you can do to make it comfortable:

  • Be aware. Whatever you started in a retrograde period CAN end as life returns to normal. This is why it is suggested not to start a relationship in a retrograde peiod. If you did start something, then allow yourself to be flexible and ready for adjustments. It may not end, it can change in some other aspect. Whatever happens, be open and accepting of what comes your way.

 

  • I don’t know why but it seems like the end of the retrograde period tends to be the toughest! I can sail through a season easily until its last two days and then all hell breaks loose! Because of this happening frequently, I have learned to slow down and create space in between my TO DO list of things. When a planet ends its retrograde, the energy can be supercharged, so we can all be a little frazzled and exhausted anyway, and need the extra time to rest so we’re not completely burned out. Once the retrograde is over, work on replenishing your energy. Rest.

 

  • Pay attention to what areas are ruled by the house the planet retrogrades in (in this case Pisces) as they tend to get the brunt of the problems during the retrograde. Start to make plans for how you can right whatever went wrong, and get everything back to normal (or better than normal) soon after the retrograde ends.

 

So as we journey through this water sign, take your time, relax and breathe. You got this, sometimes you may forget but I am here to remind you, all the power lies within you! Now that you are armed with this knowledge, go forth and blossom!

xo Uma

uab-web-13

Uma Alexandra Beepat is an intuitive consultant, spiritual teacher and owner of Lotus Wellness Center in Northern VA.

To learn more about Uma, visit http://www.umalotusflower.com

 

What does it mean to be Spiritual?

I had a friend who was a bit of a cynic (well he still is) and he said one time to me, “You gotta love the Spiritual people. It’s pretty much a bunch of lame-Os who are too lazy for religion and too scared to be atheist.”

After I had a good belly laugh about it for oh say two hours, I had to stop and think about it….I mean it had some truth to it, didn’t it?

I spent the next few days testing out his theory by asking innocent bystanders (ok my clients and students at Lotus), if they were religious or spiritual and what did that mean to them.

I received interesting feedback with the majority of answers corroborating his theory. Most people don’t know or have an explainable idea of what it means.

The most popular answer I got was, “Well I am definitely not religious, I would say I am more Spiritual because I believe in a God or the Universe.”

Me: “Ok do you have a set practice as a Spiritual person?”

Them: “No not really, it’s what I feel like really. Some days I meditate, some days I go to the yoga class at my gym and some days I eat cheetos on the couch. It’s all about balance!”

Me: “Uh huh got it. But is there something specific you do that can identify you with other Spiritual people?”

Them: “Well I do wear mala beads and most Spiritual people wear mala beads. It’s a sign of our Spirituality.”

Me: “Do you know how to use a mala bead?”

Them: “There’s a use for them?!”

woman working girl sitting
Photo by Alexander Dummer on Pexels.com

Trust me when I say she is a sweetheart. A bumbling sweetheart but sweet nevertheless.

I had a bit of shell shock and identity crisis as I realized I was probably seen this way as well! I mean I own a Wellness Center and Massage School and wear mala beads! OMG am I a Spiritually Unevolved person? Is that how the world sees me?

Cue *dramatic fall to the floor with hand covering my eyes*

Back then I took a whole lotta offense to what my friend said, to the answers I got back and to somehow me being lumped in this category. I decided then and there that I needed to have a firm answer on what being Spiritual meant for me and to me so if anyone asked, I would be better prepared to answer.

I came up with 3 reasons why I am Spiritual and I am sharing it here in case it resonates with you. Feel free to use them! I have no rights over these ideas, and hey maybe if we were all well-equipped with answers, the rest of the world will take us seriously, have a green tea and calm the f**k down. Here we go:

  1. I believe in All the Religions

In my younger years (ages 9-28) I studied most of the major religions. I read the Bible front to back (twice), Koran, Bhagavad Gita, Yoga Sutras and the Tao. What I found was similarities amongst them all. More similarities than differences. Later on in my 30s, I found Wiccan and Paganism and noticed similarity in dates to Christian important holidays (Christmas and Easter) and similar symbolism.

As I matured, I realized I didn’t feel comfortable owning a title. You could call me Christian because I liked to go to Church (still do occasionally). You could call me Hindu because I practice yoga and meditation daily. You could call me Muslim because I enjoy fasting during the Ramadan season. You could call me Pagan because I have a deep love of earth rituals and Mother Nature. If I identified with one religion, I would neglect the other spiritual practices I employed.

2. I am more concerned with my Purpose than my Needs

Now this is in no way a jab to anyone, it is a revelation unto myself. I grew up in a typical family with two siblings and parents who were striving for better things. We all do. My family like everyone else wanted a better future. My family unlike some families came from humble beginnings in a third world country.

Somewhere along the way, i got sidetracked, bamboozled, led astray by the sirene call of the Spiritual realm to seek my path and purpose in life specific to me. I didn’t want to exist on the earthly realm anymore for pain and pleasure, I wanted significance in finding a way to make a living that contributed to the wellbeing of others. I opened a Wellness Center and then later a Massage School before personally venturing out to speak, teach and write on what I know. The call of the Divine to help, uplift and inspire others was a deeper call than the need for public fame, fortune and membership in the right clubs and societal groups.

When I refer to myself as Spiritual, I refer to this need, this desire to find out my purpose in life and live it accordingly. Again I will stress the importance of recognizing that it is a focus on what I do want and not what I am moving away from. Many of my loved ones still pursue a materialistic life and you know what? I love them immensely and have no judgment. Being Spiritual for me in this aspect is about learning to understand me and why I am here, not about judging someone else’s path or story.

3) The CIA is everywhere

Living the Spiritual life means coming from a place of CIA all the time everytime. What is the CIA?

C-Compassion

I-Intent

A-Awareness

It is so easy to get caught up in the drama and trauma of life, to take things personally, to get easily offended, to make judgments and to develop this us vs. them mentality. I didn’t want that anymore. I did it for a large part of my life, and it brought nothing but dissatisfaction, hurt and envy to my life. My anger raged and this fire consumed me all the time. I wanted out and I got it when I started living with a CIA perspective.

Compassion teaches me to see things from someone else’s perspective, to continue to love them where they are and to hold space instead of react when things aren’t going right.

Intent teaches me to have intention before I DO ANYTHING! Whether I am about to eat food, cross the sidewalk, take a drive or speak to a class, I remind myself of my reasons for doing so and maintain intent in the transactions.

Awareness teaches me to continuously watch, observe, monitor and eventually self-correct on my behaviors if they are out of alignment with my path and purpose, if they are hurtful to others or if they could be done better. This last one is a doozy. I have time and time again reached out to people I have wronged and apologized. Sometimes it is accepted and sometimes I am the receiver of a verbal lashing out. It is hard work to admit you are wrong and even harder to be penalized for it, but yet my awareness will not let me off the hook. Into the darkness I  must go to apologize, yes for them but mostly for me. I need to be better, do better and live better everyday within my conscience.

There is one more big reason why I call myself Spiritual instead of a follower of a particular religion or an atheist. In realizing it, I guess in the end, I have alot in common with the bumbling sweetheart from earlier who couldn’t put it in words what she knew in her heart to be true. In the end, I am like her Spiritual because I Believe. 

I believe in a Higher Power, God Consciousness or The Universe.

I believe we are Souls having a Human Experience. 

I believe in the sanctity of Life, the harmony of man and the peace of a utopian society. 

Hmm, sounds like the decree of a new religion, possibly Umaism?

Nah. I think all of the religions currently existing got this Belief thing covered.

I rather say I am Spiritual, live a decent life, don’t worry what others are doing and focus on how I can be of contribution to society.

Wear your Spiritual badge proud and loud. Let’s all share our love of all things Spiritual with pride

uab-web-5Uma is the owner of Lotus Wellness Center and Lotus Signature Massage School in VA. To learn more about this crazy Spiritual chic, check out http://www.umalotusflower.com

The Dawn of the Dragon Era

 

gray dragon statue
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I first met my dragon in 2015. I remember it because I awoke one morning and “saw” a purple and green dragon lying on my roof. I knew it was female and she acknowledged me very sleepily by half opening one eye to look at me and then promptly going back to sleep.

I thought I was losing my shit.

I told my boyfriend about it, expecting him to laugh me all the way to the asylum but he just shrugged and said, “Oh that’s cool. I have one too.” and began to describe how his dragon protects his home, his children and keeps him safe.

What the what?

At first I thought the dragon on top of my house was possibly his and maybe she came to stay with me now that we were dating? Kind of like a bodyguard if you will?

As the months wore on and she wasn’t moving, I began to realize that she was mine. She wasn’t sent to me by my boyfriend, she came to me because of my ascension. 

See at this time I was doing a-lot of inner spiritual work and self-healing. I was clearing MOUNDS OF CRAP from previous lifetimes, my early childhood and the mini disasters picked up along the road of life. I was in pretty deep.

The clearings got rid of my clutter yes, but it also invited in my Twin Flame and now my Dragon.

Fast forward to 2018.

I have seen my green and purple Dragoness from time to time but we never had illustrious, long winded conversations. In fact, she was pretty easy to get along with. I know from past life regression, I have BEEN a dragon in a previous lifetime (my friends might argue I still am) and so having a dragon roommate was not too unpredictable. We like our own company, we keep to ourselves and the only time we really rally together is when my anger is incited by injustices done to myself or others. Oh then she comes out in her full glory.

I haven’t really thought much about her or me or our connection until this year. It seems, this year 2018 is the year of the dragons re-emerging back into the Earth space and while that is all fine and good……for me, I need to know what does it all mean?

My first inclination that the Dragon era was re-emerging came from social media as several of my friends started talking about dragons and falling in love with the dragon power. That didn’t alert me too much, I have seen cycles come and go as people find information and pour over its newness to them while the novelty wore off on me years prior.

It was my second inclination that did me in. It came from my 11 year old son Joshua and his dreams.

See Joshua and I play this game every morning where he comes in to my bedroom to hug me and I ask him, “Joshua what did you dream?” Oh boy he has the best dreams! Whether it is in actuality a dream or a fantasy, it doesn’t phase me because I like to hear where his mind has been or where it is going.

Recently, he came into my room and after our hugs, I asked him, “Joshua what did you dream?” And what came back, I was not prepared for.

“Oh mommy it was wonderful, I went to the dragon land!”

“The dragon land?”

“Yes the land where the dragons live and guess what? A yellow dragon came to me! He is young like me and he said it is time for him to come with me and work with me. So I asked him, where is your mommy? He said she is over there and mommy you wouldn’t believe it, she was beautiful and green and purple! The dragon kid said his mommy works with you mommy and she is with you all the time and now its time for him to be with me.”

If you could see my face, it was drained of all color. My son, who I never had a conversation with about dragons, correctly identified the colors of my dragoness and now has his very own dragon.

When we visited LilyDale a couple of weeks ago, BOTH my sons were in the gift shop admiring the dragon figurines. Nathan liked the red dragon and Joshua of course liked the yellow/gold dragon.

SO…..interesting right? And that is what I chalked it up to….interesting and didn’t think to write about it or address it until today.

Today I received the third inclination and within it, is a message for us all.

See every day I do a reading for myself before going on LIVE YouTube to do the daily reading. Today I decided to do a reading using the dragon deck I have. I didn’t really have a question, more so a request for advice from the Dragon Realm about what is going on with me. I recently came out of a self-imposed hermit mode I placed on myself for the past three months and now that the clouds were clearing, I wanted to know, what was that all about?

I expected to have one card jump out but instead, there were six. Immediately I received clarity and guidance about the past few months of my life, the present and where I am suppose to go in the future.

I am sharing my personal spread with you, because I feel the Dragons will start to call on everyone in a matter of moments, and if this is true, then be prepared. They come with requests a little bigger than your dreams and they are about to shake things up!

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STOP READING AND LOOK AT THE DRAGONS!!!!!!

WHICH ONE CALLS TO YOU?

This blog entry is about to become interactive!

So this third inclination is what blew my mind. See for the past few months I have been doing color therapy and healing on myself and a few of my clients. In color therapy, Spirit picks a color for me for the month and I wear it or visualize using it in healing. In August I had purple, September was Orange, October was Tangerine and November was Amber. The last three months I had different variations of orange….so the first card that flew out of the deck of course came from the orange dragon.

After you have picked a dragon or two that seems to “call” to you, read on below and see what their hidden message is for you as it was for me xo.

Orange Dragon’s message: 

Fifth dimensional orange dragons emit flames of joy, warmth and acceptance. They come to us when our orange Naval chakra is open as this indicates that we are ready to spread joy and oneness. As the world moves towards the new Golden age, soul families are drawing together. Orange dragon help like people up so that they recognize each other and enjoy a sense of belonging. They bring fifth dimensional communities together, communities where people cooperate, and and help each other and practice harmony and oneness.Many of us need to work with them to bring this about. The guidance here is to look for the divine light in everyoneAnd look for the bonds that link you.The orange dragons will help you to spread their light of warped, welcome and acceptance to all people. Let that light shine through you.You will feel a sense of belonging and oneness in your heart will open.This will help you develop your abilities of higher manifestation.

When you visualize the peoples and animals of the world coming together in harmony and acceptance, the orange dragons will flood your vision with their light. Archangel Metatron himself will then take it to energize the plan for Earth. So hold the highest vision for the Golden Age that is being prepared and do your part to bring your community and the world into spiritual accord.This is a message of higher peace.

  •  This message was right on time. I started forming new friendships around September that seem more in alignment with my higher goal and purpose of love and unity. I felt free and I felt loved, more so than I ever have and I wanted to share that love with everyone around me. I unfortunately have had the sad experience of attracting people to me that took from me but had no interest in contributing to me as well. Since the arrival of the Orange dragon, I have attracted many people who contribute to my happiness on the daily, and in turn, I am too happy to give to them as well. Well played Orange Dragon, well played!

Earth and Fire Dragon’s message:

The fourth dimensional Earth and fire dragons are calling on us now to help them clear and light up the new Ley lines of our beautiful planet. The original ley lines were called Dragon lines for they were maintained by the dragons of old. Now a new fifth dimensional Ley line system is being placed into the earth to carry golden Christ energy and prepare the planet for the new Golden age. The dragons of earth and fire move through these lines, creating a path of light through which the higher love frequencies can flow.

Humbly in both these dragons and have a sense of the power of the flaming orange fire combined with the grounding brown earth. Reach out a hand to touch the dragons. Then visualize earth being crisscrossed with lines of gold light. Picture these dragons anchoring this golden Christ energy where ever there are sacred places on the globe. Mentally place a golden flame at each of the sacred portals until you sense our planet lighting up. When ever you are out walking or driving, ask the earth and fire Dragons to travel along the ley lines below you. Bring the Christ light down through you so that they can distribute it where ever it is most needed. When you give, you receive. The earth and fire dragonsWill illuminate the challenges on your route aheadAnd as soon as you have acknowledge them, they will dissolve them. This will smooth your path.It will also allow you to step lightly into your role as a master as a new Golden age approaches.

  • So excited about these dragons as this literally happened from September-November! I had a series of mishaps that could have affected my health, my business and my car! But somehow as quickly as they came up, they dissolved and the only suffering I experienced was delays or changes to my schedule. Thank you Earth and Fire dragons for keeping me safe and sane!

 

Orange-Gold Dragon’s Message:

Arcturus is one of the most advanced star systems in this galaxy and a prototype of earth’s future. Seventh dimensional orange gold dragons come to us when we are ready to become a walking master and help to usher in the new Golden age. When a spiritual army of these dragons moves to a place, They stimulate great evolutionary change in all that they touch.They are flowing into Earth now to help us during the exciting years ahead.

It is not by chance you have incarnated during this extraordinary twenty-year period When our planet is undergoing double dimensional shift. Earth needs spiritual leaders and light bearers. These dragons are blazing their light towards you, for it holds the vision of our fifth dimensional future. They are inspiring you to do your part for the new Golden age on earth.

Receiving this card indicates that it is time to stand in your power and fulfill your destiny. Allow the dragons to enter your energy and breathe into you the vision of earth as it will be. They will give you the strength, wisdom and knowledge that you will need for the transformation ahead. You have much to do and many people to help, and a beautiful seventh dimension orange gold dragon will stay by your side as long as you need it. Be a guiding beacon of light for many.

  • Now this dragon brought interesting energy with it. As I was up leveling, I remember feeling a sense of isolation and loneliness. I felt the world was too consumed with social media popularity, expensive things and living lifestyles that did not reflect our true nature. I didn’t feel moved to speak out about it so instead, I cowered. On my couch by myself and lamented the state of affairs that have us pushing, shoving to get ahead and not caring for each other or looking out for each other’s best interest. Even when I was getting bookings to work with clients, I was just in this state of analysis that prevented me from responding. Instead I referred out to my team, to my partner or to other healers in the community. I didn’t want to entertain the societal desire to be a part of something that was false or untrue. I was losing hope in humanity as it is.

 

  • In time the energy cleared and I am happy to say I am now more lively (thank Goodness) and back to my usual cheery, optimistic self. What this dragon taught me is that yes there is that need for attention and popularity out there, but to look past the glitz and the glam of self worship and instead draw attention to the little girl or boy in that person who is only asking for love and support. I learned to go into the deep, dark places with this dragon but yet, how not to be consumed by it.

 

Dark Blue Dragon’s Message:

These dragons shimmer with golden sparkles of cosmic wisdom for they harness the light of the stars, planets and constellations. When we are ready, they touch us with this light enabling us to embody the illumined energy and wisdom they contain.

While many of us are now able to attune to the ninth dimension, it is still an awesome light filled with joy, love and wisdom beyond our current comprehension. Dark blue galactic dragons can send bursts of this cosmic searchlight through us to ignite the hidden codes of our master blueprint, the seventh dimensional light of our soul, so that we can listen to the voice of the universe. Remember our soul must be at least seventh dimensional for us to receive permission to incarnate on Earth.

This dragon invites you to communicate with the masters of the Universe, the Intergalactic Council where you can contribute your energy for the smooth ascension of the planet. It is time to listen and serve.

Ask the wondrous dragon who has come to you, to tune you in to the Intergalatic Council where you will be offered the honor of petitioning the council. Decide whether your petition is for the welfare of animals or humanity or to assist the ascension of the planet. Then ask the dragon to take you to the council to present your petition.

Dark blue Galatic dragons will also instruct you during meditation or sleep. This will enable you to serve in a galactic capacity and will hugely expand your energy fields.

  • One of the few things I have said these past few months was in secrecy to Rob, my partner. I said, “I don’t know what is going on, but I am having insights into most of the people we know and some that we barely know as well.” It was just flooding me! It didn’t matter what I did, a picture of the person would pop up and a narrative about what was happening in their lives. Later on, I would see validation on social media from their posts. It was wild and interesting at the time and now I have closure on it as I understand it was a time of the Dark Blue Galactic dragon working with me.

 

  • I have to say, that in working with this ninth dimension being, it hurt my head! I was having constant headaches and feeling nauseous most days. As I ascended so did my twin flame and he was experiencing a bout of pneumonia! Now I understand that we were clearing as we purged the past and became lighter to the ride of ninth dimension to communicate with these amazing beings. Rob was channeling too! He began to have visions of others and know on a deeper level what was troubling them before they reached out to him and validated it!

 

Silver Dragon’s Message: 

Fifth dimension shimmering silver dragons radiate divine feminine light and gentle qualities.They bring a harmlessness, love, peace, tranquility, balance, gentleness and calmness.If we are ready they surround our aura in a soft pure silver light that enables us to retain these divine feminine qualities. They also reflect our true self and highest potential back to us by coming to us and looking deep into our eyes. This enables us to see the essence of our soul and discover aspects of ourselves we did not know existed. We are reminded of our divine magnificence and may catch a glimpse of the mighty soul that belongs to us.

Your fifth dimensional soul blueprint contains the keys and codes of your gifts, talents, wisdom and power. Receiving the card suggests that it’s a time for some of this potential to be ignited and brought forward into your life. You’re ready to reveal yourself and be who you truly can be.

Sit quietly and see the shimmering silver Dragon who has come to you. Allow it to reflect back to you the hidden aspects of your soul and your higher possibilities.This may or may not be a conscious process but it will inspire you to express your essence and transform your life. Be ready to develop any gifts or qualities that the dragon draws to your attention. You may surprise yourself.

Omega White Dragon’s Message:

Ninth dimensional Omega dragons carry the Divine feminine vibrations of Shekinah, the universal energy that created our world. Shekinah is the feminine counterpart of Archangel Metatron’s Higher light and represent pure creative vision. These powerful beings are assisting the birth of higher consciousness on earth. Collectively they hold the vision for the new Golden age and this will enable us to achieve the intention set by Lady Gaia for the evolution of the planet.

These beautiful silver white dragons will also help us hold a personal vision for the highest good. Everywhere she starts with a thought that is translated into a picture.These dragons can see into our mind and will hold our vision with us.

When an Omega dragon comes to you, it is time to give birth to a special new project, pathway or aspect of yourself that has remained hidden. Call upon these dragons to fill you with the power of the Divine Feminine. This will enable you to hold your vision and bring it to fruition in a wise, balanced and harmonious way.

Most important of all, ask the Omega Dragon to look into the greatest desire of your soul and hold the vision of bringing it to Manifestation. These dragons can be any shape or size so just still your mind and give them permission to merge with your energy. Ask them to soften your path and the paths of all who hold the vision of the new Golden age.

  • Between the Silver and Omega dragons, I can see and feel their presences currently with me as I work to revamp my work and change direction in time for 2019. I have been toying with several ideas of massive expansions and now I see where the insight is coming from. Thanks Dragons! Yes it is time to ascend and be more vocal in the public. I have hung back awhile now, letting others direct and lead but as each of these six dragons have reminded me in the past three months, there is no one quite like me and they can’t do it the way I can do it. 

The dragons have spoken and it is time to share the fruits of our time together with the world. Look out for it, it will be coming in soon!

As we come to the close of this blog, you either think I am a lunatic or you are quietly interested in what this is all about. Don’t second guess either way! Book me for a 15 minute reading and let’s see which dragon shows up for YOU. You never know what they might have to say or how they can make sense of what is happening to you in your life.

I know these six dragons who have been working with me for the past three months have explained A LOT of unanswered questions I had. Don’t hesitate, book your reading today and let’s see what shows up! I am as interested as you are!

Love and Light (and now Dragon power),

xo Uma

uab-web-31Uma Alexandra Beepat is the owner of Lotus Wellness Center and Lotus Signature Massage school in Manassas, VA. She is quite sane and intelligent! To learn more about Uma, visit http://www.umalotusflower.com

 

 

 

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Codependent or Healthy in Love?

codependent relationship

Relationships are a funny thing. We hear often that famous saying, “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” Isn’t that the truth?

Most times we say it in love and with laughter, but for some, this phrase is an actual statement into a deeper issue, one that supercedes fun, light and love. It’s about codependency.

What IS codependency? According to Wikipedia, codependency is the term used to describe a dysfunctional relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Like whoa.

Aren’t we supposed to have our OWN identity in relationships?

While for most of us, we believe so, for some codependent people, the belief is that they are not complete until they are in a relationship and that person they are in love with, completes them.

jerry maguire

I mean who can forget that scene in the Jerry Maguire movie when he says those same words, “You complete me.” 

It sounds romantic and I am sure for some, it is a desire to hear these exact words but I urge you to STOP! It is another Hollywood scenario that sounds better on screen than in real life.

Remember 50 Shades of Grey? Very exciting movie and book, but think about it in real life. Think of it especially with a partner who may not be a milionaire and owns a hundred companies and looks like Christian Grey. Hey realistically most of us can’t or won’t attract that kind of guy into our lives in this lifetime (being real not pessimistic). Would it be as romantic if your guy lived on his friends’ couches and didn’t hold down a job? I thought so.

In life, we have to learn to discern what sounds more like a great fantasy or what can actually work in our life. Most times, romantic fantasies need to stay just there, in fantasy.

Here are three signs of a codependent relationship. If you notice some or all of these, hang tight. I got you. I will also talk about connections in love xo.

Signs of a Codependent Relationship:

1. Your Sense of Purpose is delayed as you tend to your partner’s needs 

When I was  younger, I was very  much caught up in a codependent relationship with a boyfriend. I was a rising star at my college and given many blessings to advance forward in my path, but truthfully, I cared more about how he felt than my future. I remember there was a leadership conference and each college in the NorthEast United States were allowed to send two representatives from their school. Of course I was selected to represent my school and guess what I did? I threw it away to spend the week with my boyfriend.

When you are in a codependent relationship, the other person seems more important than you. Their needs, their desires, their wants are catered to and yours barely are acknowledged.

To break out of this mold, (and yes you can) the power scales need to be balanced. Start by taking inventory of a month. Are you only doing activities your partner wants to do or are your needs met? If you notice a tipping of the scales in their direction, have a talk with them and let them know that this is an issue for you and you would like it to be more balanced in your relationship. Either they will agree with you or not, and then you get to decide how that goes. But for now, start with inventory. Take an honest look at your relationship and decide how it feels.

 In its broadest definition, a codependent is someone who cannot function from his or her innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance.

2. You believe the other person is responsible for your happiness 

In the first sign mentioned above, it is expected that the scales are as balanced as they can be to make it an equal relationship. This balancing does NOT equal out to your partner catering to you to make you happy.

One time I was arguing with a boyfriend when I was 14. I remember this clearly because of what I said and his response.

Me: ” I am so unhappy! It is your responsibility to make me happy in this relationship!”

Him: “Well then we are screwed because it is not my job to make you happy, that is your job. My job is to focus on my happiness and together we create a happy relationship.”

Lord that boy was smart. Smart and right.

No one can make you happy. YOU know this! But yet, once we get in relationships, it seems like all logic goes out the window and for some of us, we turn into whiny little babies who need constant attention.

We start placing blame when things go wrong and never think to look at ourselves. Why is this?

Sometimes we place the heavy obligation of happiness on another’s shoulder because we don’t want to face the truth that the relationship is not meeting our needs. We may know that it is time to move on but fear of being alone or dying single, keeps us in place. Then when we stay, we become unhappy and place that blame on our partners’ shoulders.

Be the bigger person. If you are not happy in your relationship, leave. If you are not happy with yourself, get help. Whatever it is, do anything but blame your partner. Because you know what? If your partner truly is the source of your unhappiness, then go back to step 1 and leave. It really is that simple.

I believe some people feel if they complain about it, it will somehow magically change to what they want. This is not how the Law of Attraction works. In fact, the more you complain about a source of displeasure, the more of it you will attract. I have tried repeatedly to share this information with several people in my life and guess what happens? Absolutely nothing. They keep complaining, and they keep staying in the rut they are in. In life, you have to know when to help and when to walk away and for these individuals, I tend to walk away.

If you can’t create a happy life using the resources you were given or have attained in life, then no one else will do it for you. This is your burden to bear. Figure it out. 

3) You need to be around that person all the time 

When you are with them, you feel ALIVE and full of love and happiness. When you are away from them, you call/text/snapchat often. When you can’t reach them, you are dying on the inside. If you do have peace and quiet in your alone time, it is because you know they are at work or the dentist and can’t access their phone. You feel happy and content.

Sounds familiar?

Being alone is necessary. It is in our times of silence and solitude that we uncover the parts of ourselves that need the work or can do with some improvements. When you are around someone all the time, (and yes it can be the same person or different people), you are engaged in interactions. There is no time to reflect, meditate and do some self-analysis.

I think some people use people for constant companionship because they don’t want to have introspection! They know on a deeper level, there are some issues to sort out but don’t have the drive, interest or courage to do so.

I have met some highly functional and successful broken people and have been impressed! They have shrouded themselves in such a strong invisibility cloak, it would make Harry Potter jealous!

Try to factor in some alone time away from your partner. How does it feel?

If it brings up anxiety, stress or fears, then you are onto something. You may have hidden out in a codependent relationship for awhile but cleverly crafted it as, “We are a team” or “We do things together”.

No you are not. You were born into this world alone and you will go out alone. This precious partner of yours will not sacrifice their life to go with you at the end of your timeline. And more than likely, they will eventually move on and be with someone else until their end of time. This is natural because at the core of it, we each need to survive and thrive.

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Now that we have some signs of codependency, let’s look at some signs of a healthy relationship. For some of you, there is a possibility to change a codependent relationship to a healthy one so why not try now? Just because you have identified being in a codependent relationship, doesn’t mean you have to be stuck in it. Here are three signs of a healthy relationship:

1) You Respect each other’s Boundaries 

My partner loves riding his Harley and loves his dog. He will not tolerate anyone in his life that does not respect his need to ride and his time with his dog. I can tell you that I am not particularly interested in riding on the back of his motorcycle and I am not a pet owner or dog lover (I know shoot me). How do we make it work? We respect the boundaries.

I join him on his weekend bike rallies by either driving there with him or staying back so he can go with his friends who also love to ride. When we plan our schedules, we factor in time for him to go riding. I find something else to do. With his dog Silas, we include him in our plans and then we create events without him. We work together while respecting each other’s boundaries. 

When you truly listen to your partner, you are not listening to respond but rather to understand. What makes them tick? What sets them off? And what can you do in the process to respect their process while also respecting yours?

Boundaries are needed in relationships! It lets each person know the level of safety and comfort available based on needs. Once needs are respected, each partner can relax more into the relationship and develop deeper bonds.

Take a personal inventory of your own relationships now. Do you know your partner’s boundaries? Do you respect and uphold them? What can you do differently to show respect for what your partner requires?

When you respect your partner’s boundaries, you allow room for connection because they trust you. They trust that you will not hurt them, not by your words but by your actions. This means everything to a person. I know it does for me.

If you don’t know what your boundaries or your partner’s boundaries are, no problem! Start making a list! I like to make a page with three columns and write down all the things I want in a relationship, what I can compromise on and what I cannot or will  not tolerate. For example, I want a kind person in relationship, I can compromise on if they are a pet owner and I will not tolerate smokers. Once you make your list, ask your partner to do the same and it doesn’t matter if you have been together for 2 months or 20 years, start now in communicating! Boundaries can change over time as we age, so don’t be surprised if your partner says things that seem new to you. This is the process of connecting and if you stay with it, you will reach deeper levels of your relationship!

2) You have no problem saying NO to your partner

One time I was really into studying the ancient arts of tantric practice and I dragged my partner along with me. We were both in a room with our tantric teacher, me in a sarong and him in a sarong that barely covered his body. He looked delicious but uncomfortable! He went through the private session with me and loved it but he put his foot down and refused to go to a group class with nakedness where we talked about intimacy! He drew his line!

And you know what I did? I respected it. I didn’t push, beg, manipulate or anything of the sort. I agreed and found ways to continue my tantra study through books and online courses and then used the practices with him in the sanctity of our home.

In a relationship, you can say no. You don’t have to cosign to everything. Sometimes I see women doing the craziest things to please a man! Things they would never do but did it to keep his attention. Guess what happens? Invariably a breakup happens and those same women go bat s**t crazy! You know why right? Because they sacrificed their time, money and effort to be with him and they can’t for the life of themselves, figure out why he wouldn’t want to stay.

Say yes to the things that make you happy and interested to do. When my partner asks me to go visit his daughter in Myrtle Beach, hell yes please! When he asks me to go to a football game in the dead of winter, not so much.

You have to have a firm basis of stability in your relationship to be able to say no though. If you are insecure and unsure about yourself and the relationship, chances are you are going to keep saying yes to things even though you rather not. What happens is you will start to break down energetically and exhaustion sets in. You overextend yourself and you will feel it in the long run. Concerning your partner, you may shift blame to them for your tiredness or crankiness even though you were the one that said yes!

Save yourselves and your relationship this nightmare by just honoring where you are, what you need and what you can and cannot do. Trust me, they will love you for it and sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

3) You have a life outside of your relationship

When I do relationship coaching, I invariable start out with my clients drawing a pie chart and having them fill in each pie piece with what is needed for a well rounded life. Some write health, love, social, money, career, spirituality etc…. And then I have them color in the pie pieces on a scale from 1-10 with 1 meaning little to no effort and 10 as maxium effort.

For my codependent clients, most times the love piece is fully colored in and for the other parts there is a lot of blank paper!

Guess what happens to these same people who have break up? They absolutely crumble.

When you place all your worth, time and attention on any ONE of those pie pieces, your whole world can end if that piece is taken away. It is important to have a life outside of your relationship. Start by asking these questions:

  • Do I have a daily spiritual practice?
  • Do I spend enough time with my friends and social circle?
  • Do I work hard enough or too hard?
  • Do I take vacations?
  • Do I work out daily or weekly?
  • Do i spend enough time with my partner, too much or too little?

When you start asking these questions, you train yourself to see where your attention is. If you noticed in one week, you never meditated, worked out, made a home cooked meal and spent all your time at work….you can see how imbalanced a life is.

Create a life where you thrive in all areas of your life so if one unfortunately has to be removed, you can mourn in appropriation. It doesn’t consume you because there are so many other pieces that are working.

In the end, we all are pursuing happiness. If we attach this happiness to a relationship, we can create sadness by its departure.

Learn how to have healthy habits for the sake of your healthy body, positive mind and thriving soul. In return, your relationships in your life will blossom as you now have more to contribute to them than take from them. How wonderful that will be for everyone!

Until  next time, stay in the love and the light

xo Uma

Untitled design (9)Uma is an intuitive consultant, consciousness coach, published author, inspirational speaker and the owner of Lotus Wellness Center in Northern VA.

To learn more about Uma’s classes and services, visit http://www.lotuswellnesscenter.net