Revisiting our old wounds

broken heart

HI there! Uma here on this wet and cold, dreary day. What happened to Spring?! Forecast tells us that the DMV area is in for a wet and soggy weekend with large chances of rain and flooding. Wow!

As I sit patiently waiting for the Spring/Summer weather to kick in, it became apparent to me how life imitates art and vice versa. Just when I thought I was nearing the end of the cold/wet season of Winter, the old season gives it one last hurray. Life imitating art. How many of us can relate to this in our personal lives? Just when we thought we completed a cycle, the wheel turned again and we found ourselves embroiled in past traumas yet again.

I once read Sonia Choquette’s book, “Walking Home: A Pilgrimage from Humbled to Healed.” It talks about the month long walk she took across the legendary Camino de Santiago, an 820 kilometer trek across Spain. I was fascinated about everything she encountered on her walk both in the outer world and her inner self. She was fighting herself as she walked, discarding old thoughts and belief patterns that no longer served her, working through pain and heartache and I was rooting for her! As the chapters wore down and I saw the pages lessening, I knew we both were going to come out of this experience ok, wiser and more grateful. HOWEVER! Three chapters (three more walks to the end) in she encounters a situation with some of her new friends she made on the path and a lot of old feelings and behaviors came into full effect. Even though it was more the other people’s actions and not hers, she was still affected by it. SAY WHAT?! I felt like saying, “Sonia we just spent a month walking the trail and letting everything go, why is this happening NOW?”

 Enter consciousness. Because this is the way life is.  We by nature, are a species that is constantly looking for ways to evolve. It is innate within us to want to do better, be better and live better. As we seek different avenues from where we were, in the process of getting to where we want to be, we will encounter difficulties. And this is what separates the men from the boys, as they say.

 Your old paradigms are the ways you use to be and the ways you use to think. Don’t be hard about it or disown it! It served its purpose at that time. I love it when people who have known me a long time try to give me a compliment about my “new” life and in doing so, they feel the need to put down my “old” life.

“Remember when you were a stuck up snob?”

“Remember when you were an angry girl?”

“Remember when you were mean and uncaring?”

I know their hearts are in the right place, and in their effort to compliment me now on all the lifestyle changes I have made, they wanted something to contrast it to. I get it, but here’s the thing. I am not sorry.

Due to life and my own reasons, I was absolutely a stuck up, angry and uncaring person. Look out for my autobiography, I go more into detail about it then! And at that time, that behavior and presence was needed. At that time. Now, I am in a different environment, one which allows me to authentically be myself and there is no need to defend myself or actions, so I can relax and be more comfortable in my skin. Sounds familiar?

 Don’t be ashamed of who you use to be before you found your spirituality, your peace, your Zen zone. You were that way because you had to be. Now you can afford to be something else, why? Because you are evolving.

However just because you have decided to do something better for yourself, doesn’t mean the world is ready to let go of its hold of you. It will make any attempt necessary to keep you in the illusion that this reality had over you. Don’t fall for it.

When you are making the most progress, expect things to take a turn for the worse. This is natural and by no means, is it meant to stop you. It is meant as a challenge for you to surpass, to have and claim victory over. You can do it, you know why? Because many of us do and this isn’t your first rodeo. Last time I checked, you passed all challenges 100% of the time and you are still here.

When you look at famous and successful people like Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein, they all have something in common. They hit many obstacles along the way but they refused to give up. They didn’t have the mindset that obstacles are real or permanent. They may have slowed down or diverted from the path, but they kept going nevertheless.

It is always darkest before the dawn, may be more a motivational metaphor than an actual scientific fact but i like it because in life it has been proven true. Whenever I hit a speed bump, and it seems like everything is falling apart around me, that is the time I am filled with elation because I know that bright sky is coming and it wouldn’t be too much longer now.

If you find yourself in a dark phase right now, hold on tight because your blessings are right around the corner. Trust and Believe and watch the miracles light up your night sky.

 Until next time, love and light always

Uma

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