I love myself.
I really love myself.
I love myself so much that sometimes people get offended.
They get offended because in loving myself, I fail to love them as hard as I love myself.
That is a fact.
There is a large population of people who are looking and searching for the best answer to the age old question, “How do I love myself?”
I am sorry but I am not in that group of people.
I somehow seem to be lumped in with the narcissists and vain, the “uppity” and snooty crowd because I have never doubted my brilliance, my divinity or the Goddess who resides within me.
However, because I honor that divine Spark within me and think of myself in a glorious way, I have been called the above names before. It’s a catch isn’t it?
I don’t need classes or books to tell me how to overcome my shyness or connect with my Inner Goddess. I don’t need workshops to help lift me up. I am already there. But because I am already there, and don’t need help on how to get there, I am outcasted and ridiculed. I am either the anomaly or a fraud; however I am not the real deal in self love, because well, I don’t look like what self-love is meant to look like. I am TOO confident, TOO good with my boundaries and TOO self involved.
In this blog, I am addressing a small, overlooked issue that remains (to this day) overlooked because it seems insensitive to talk about it when clearly there are other people (the majority) on the opposite end of the spectrum who do not face this issue.
What is the issue?
The issue is that we have created a world to be in constant need of something and to deny the existence of those who have no need of anything. Specifically in the issue of unconditional love.
See, I love myself unconditionally. What does that mean to me?
It means that no matter what I do or say or think, I still love me. I love me in spite of my faults, my glories, my weaknesses and my strengths.
I understand me and I know me. I know that despite what is exhibited on the outside, or what people’s perceptions are of me, they don’t know me like i know me. That’s why someone else cannot tell me MY truth or what I meant by what I did. That is their perception and they are entitled to it.
I love myself so hard that even when people tell me their perceptions of me and say it like it is fact not opinion, I don’t correct them, get defensive, attack or withdraw. I have enough love within me, that I can listen to what they say and still hold space for them and their opinions of me without feeling the need to respond.
When someone loves themselves unconditionally, they are afforded a freedom to live in the moments they create without guilt or regret over past mistakes or anxiety and restlessness about the future. They are able to navigate through life easily because they are peace with it all. Loving yourself affords you a freedom to be happy; despite what other people feel or think about you. It’s worth the isolation if anything!
So in realizing my super power (loving myself and accepting myself regardless of what the world thinks of me), I decided to share some tips if I may with you. Whether you are already in self love with yourself or asking that question, “How do I love myself?”, from my humble opinion here are some ideas to start with:
- Recognize that you are complete and whole already
In my opinion, the first step to self-love is realizing that there is nothing to fix or wrong with you. You are already there. Think of buying a fixer-upper first home. What are the feelings there? Excitement to own a home? Check. Excitement to renovate and recreate the original model to what you want? Check. Excitement of all the possibilities that will come by this purchase? Check.
The idea is that you are that original canvas sent from the master architect himself. You get to create the mural you want on it! However if you start off by denying the existence of the original architect, or doubting his work, or picking at perceived flaws with the canvas….then you are off to a rough start!
A better idea is to accept what is your canvas, what the master Architect has sent to you and create your mural as you wish. No doubting, wishing for something different or being critical. Instead be in a place of acceptance and love for what IS there as opposed to what isn’t. Get my drift? Self-love is about acceptance that you are quite perfect and stunning as you are, with no need to change, mimic or be someone else.
2. Choose your cheerleading squad carefully
As I have said before, I don’t give much thought to what people think about me. I am living this life for myself and by my terms. That being said, I tend not to associate with too many people. My acquaintances circle is large and my inner circle is a few I can count on one hand. I like it that way.
I once heard that Oprah is particular about what she hears, to the point when a car service picks her up, they are instructed not to engage in chit chat and not to play music. She doesn’t want to listen to the wrong stuff.
What is the wrong stuff? Gossip, slander, cursing, derogatory remarks. All these sounds can mess with your vibe, your vision, your flow. The same thing with having friends who cannot support you or stay in low vibe behavior.
“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people.”- Eleanor Roosevelt.
I once had a friend tell me I changed friends as often as people changed underwear. Ok, she exaggerates but there is a kernel of truth in there. My truth is I can be the BEST of friends with people, but once it goes south for me, I am out!
Now some of you might think, “Oh Uma but that is such a lonely road!” Nope, nope, nope it is not. See I have friends since elementary school days that are healthy, positive, successful and thriving. They keep me entertained.
I have parents, siblings and a whole host of cousins and relatives that flood my life with positivity, happiness and joy. They keep me laughing.
I have an amazing partner who teaches me, learns from me and grows with me. He keeps me in love.
And finally, I have my kids who mentor me in the new ways of the new world from their perspective. They keep me inspired.
You can mourn the few you lost along the way or you can celebrate the hundreds who are still there, still positive and still rooting for you. Choose wisely!
3. Understand it is all just an opinion
One defining moment in my life is when I stood up to a bully a couple of years ago (yes I was an adult and bullied!). She was supposedly a friend in my life but her behavior and actions were anything but. She was always critical of me and my life and one day, I had enough and looked her square in the eye and said, “That sounds wonderful, but you know what? It is your opinion I should do it that way and I don’t want to do it that way because my opinion is to do it differently. Your Opinion is Valid BUT YOUR OPINION DOES NOT DEFINE MY REALITY.”
I think she was shook up by the yelling part but it was part frustration and part epiphany when I said it. It’s true! She had an opinion. It wasn’t God’s truth and she didn’t get divine wisdom from the heavens into my affairs. It was just her thought process based off of the way she does things and thinks about things. Its ok, but it’s not gold.
As you learn to see everyone as opinionated people, it helps you tremendously to ease off them and not take it too seriously what they say.
Even if their way saves you $2.34 or 4 minutes, who CARES? Is your aim to get to your grave on time and saving money? Of course not! Your aim is to live your life YOUR WAY and you get to choose whose opinion you take into consideration and whose you toss out with the trash. Either way, don’t feel guilty about it. Just do you.
I can keep writing on this topic because it is my cornerstone of my work. Living authentically, boldly and by my rules and my decisions is important. I hope that this blog touches at least someone in a positive way. What I really want to say to you, is that you are perfect just as you are, you are loved and you matter.
Love and Light until next time,
Uma Alexandra Beepat is a Consciousness Speaker, Metaphysical Teacher, Intuitive Consultant and Psychic Mediumship Mentor. Uma owns four businesses, is a single mom to two pre-teen boys and lives life large!
To find out more about Uma, visit http://www.umalotusflower.com