Grateful for Pain

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Today it is Thanksgiving 2020 and everywhere across the US, people are celebrating things to be grateful for. As am I……but today my mental processes took me back to the beginning of this year and throughout it. So here is my truth, I am thankful for the pain of 2020.

Let me explain the many ways (briefly) I was hurt this year and what I gained of it.

In January I had a surgery that went wrong and I nearly died. It was supposed to be a simple surgery of thirty minutes but two hours later it wasn’t and I lost more blood than the medical team accounted for. I couldn’t wake up after surgery and lost a lot of blood, so much so that it took 6 bags of blood to pump into me to bring my heart rate back. I was not coherent for most of this but from the stories of my partner, family and staff, I understood it was a close call. While I may not remember all the details of this experience, I very vividly remember being on the other side temporarily and meeting my beloved grandmother who passed away a few years ago. Aside from the excruciating pain of surgery and trying to come back, I had to deal with the emotional repercussions of losing my life and being on the other side for a brief moment.

After that scare, I suffered with mental pain as I had to adjust to being back here on the earth plane. I was depressed. Seeing firsthand how fleeting life is and seeing the other side of life (the beyond), I suffered with depression for a few months because I felt so…..lacking. Was I proud of the life I lived? Did I help enough people? Was I more kind than angry? I fell short in all of these areas and judged myself tremendously. I also missed my grandmother who was and still is an important figure in my life. To see her even so briefly invoked a lot of the old pain of losing her and I had to grieve for her again. Painful.

Then I caught COVID. Yup, right after I came home from the hospital. They didn’t know to test me then for it so they tested me for influenza and everything else but it came back negative. I knew it was COVID because I had a fever of 103 for a week, no taste and no smell and no energy. I just wanted to sleep forever. The pain of COVID drove me over the edge and at this time I also had suicidal thoughts because I felt like life would never be the same for me. I felt so beaten down first by the surgery and then by covid that I started entertaining thoughts of ending my life really to end the pain. Painful.

After I recovered from both the surgery and COVID, I was ready to go back to work but of course the state mandated quarantine came in and I was out of business for three months. In those three months I had to let my whole staff go and downsize from two offices to one. I moved classes and services online and survived but the intense work of completely reorganizing my life and career while still having fresh stitches from my surgery proved too much and I broke the stitches. I now had a very LARGE open wound that put my health back into jeopardy. Doctors were throwing around words like second surgery and at home daily nurse aide which did happen. Everyday I had to endure a nurse pushing a cotton swab INTO the open wound to check the length of it before she cleaned and bandaged it. I remember I would lie there and not cry but tears would silently roll down my cheeks.

You reach a point where there are no more words beyond the pain, you just accept it and receive it without objection.

Beyond Painful.

I recovered. Took me four months but the wound healed, no second surgery was needed and then the business I own somehow miraculously thrived. Whew. We are now in the middle of 2020 and I am beginning to feel……hopeful. Life may get back to what it used to be right? We will come out of this right?

Of course we will but not before one last painful experience, the biggest one of them all-the end of a 5 year relationship with my soulmate, my business partner and my best friend.

I called it off in August due to private reasons and it….broke me. Beyond painful. Gut wrenching tragedy is how I would classify it. This man was MY man and to be my man for all of eternity. But as incidents go, it wasn’t meant to be and when it was time to go, I did. Obediently but not willingly. He was my everything and I really at this point wanted to just give up. Really give up.

I made a will and I made plans with the Universe to check out. No I wasn’t contemplating suicide (heck no!) but I was just in a place of….. acceptance. I couldn’t see how I could move forward in any area of my life- health wise, career, personally or romantically.

Everything died in 2020 and I wanted to die with them.

Painful endings.

And this is where my gratitude came in.

Because the pain that was constant for 8 months did something to me. At first the pain did just that, caused me pain! Hot seering, burning, blinding pain where you rather die than continue on.

But it’s funny being human….we tend to adapt.

After a few months of some of the most excruciating pain I have ever felt (my wound healing needs a seperate blog), I learned to live with pain. It no longer bothered me. I awoke with it and went to bed with it. I made peace with it and pain in some ways even became my friend.

I learned how to read pain. Seering pain meant slow down Uma. This is all you can handle. Constant pain became the backdrop to my life and I learned to smile while gripping my leg to ease it. I learned how to carry on a conversation with a nurse while she jabbed cotton swabs into my open and raw flesh without wincing or screaming. I learned to share love with others even when love left my bed. I learned how to give this year.

That is what pain taught me, how to give.

And I gave. Oh God how I gave.

I gave money to help struggling families even when I was struggling.

I gave my time to arrange house visits and meal plans for struggling families even when I had no time or meals for myself.

I gave tears for others’ pains over mine.

I gave energy to keep others going even when I was drowning.

I kept going because I was going to be damned if pain would win over me.

And you know what? It didn’t.

It gave up and in giving up, it released me to a whole new life. A life I couldn’t see because I was too steeped in pain. A life that is so much different than before. A life I dreamed of.

My health is better than ever and I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and continuing to drop as my new body gets into the flow of LIVING.

My career started to flourish because as I let go of things and people, the presence of ME became more apparent and who knew? The people wanted ME all along. I started booking up and classes were filled again. I was in awe.

My relationships got interestingly better. I now surround myself with girlfriends who are open to authenticity and vulnerability. We don’t hide who we are from each other. We share our mistakes openly and our regrets as much as we do our joys and happiness. I feel supported and truly loved for who I am not who people want me to be.

And love…..well in the love department, that door is still open but I will say this. I have met some incredible men that have motivated me to believe in love again. One in particular opened my heart so wide, it shocked me. I feel like a teenager in high school again when I am around him and that in of itself is worth the experience of dating him regardless of if it works out or not. He gave me the desire to love again and I will be eternally grateful to him for that small mercy.

So this Thanksgiving I am alive and healthy, I am with my family in South FL and I am surrounded on a daily basis by love and truth. I am so incredibly thankful and grateful for the pain of this year.

Friends, we all went through the ringer of 2020, but after reading this little blog of mine, I ask you…..are you grateful for your pain too? Can you see the rainbow after the dark clouds? What did this blog mean to you and what awareness do you have now of your own pain and the lessons it brought?

I hope you do take the time to reflect on these questions because whether I know you or not, this is my prayer for you. “Be happy, be healthy, be peaceful, be love and in the end, do not fear pain, embrace it.”

Be it all because you deserve it.

Happy Thanksgiving and I love you.

xo Uma

Uma Alexandra Beepat is the published author of the Awakened Life by Balboa Press Publishing and the owner of The Lotus and The Light Metaphysical Center in NOVA.

Uma is a bonafide mystic who looks to the patterns and signs in life and lives accordingly. She is also a wild gypsy queen that is a Capricorn Sun, Gemini Moon and Sag Rising. Fun times!

Love Scares Me

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So it had to happen eventually……after being single for a few months, it was time to date and date I did.

I have to say that I entered the dating world innocently enough and with high optimism. I will meet a few people, check it out and go out on some safe socially distanced dates. No problem. How hard could this be?

Wrong. Entirely wrong. It’s a hot mess out here and the singles who have been single longer than a year are fucking weird. Like their requests and their moves, all foreign to me.

I was about to give up and just join the nunnery for the remainder of my life when one caught my eye. He….is…..gorgeous.

But not just like pretty boy gorgeous (which he is) but SOUL gorgeous. Someone who I can’t stop looking at…well his eyes in particular. Without meeting him, I knew he was a good person. It just poured out of him.

We met and my instincts were right. He was such a good and nice guy. The problems began with me because frankly I was overwhelmed. Here was a man who was gorgeous, inside and outside, well educated, cultured, funny and definitely attracted to me. We kissed…..and I lost myself.

I left that date unable to stop thinking about him. Just replaying all the video clips of our short time together and wishing I stayed longer. Then he texted me and said the same thing-that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I became overwhelmed.

If you know or have anxiety, you can understand the rest of this story and if you don’t….well you are about to get schooled.

Overwhelming feelings aren’t good for someone with high anxiety. Couple that with my incessant need to overthink and overanalyze everything (thanks Gemini moon) and I spiraled out of control.

I can’t tell you what he does but let’s just say his work requires him to be in places where his phone is not allowed. So even though this sweet person makes me a priority and makes sure to text me everyday, it wasn’t enough. I spiraled into thinking that he had other women and he was playing me. So I told him that it was ok he was seeing other people to which he denied appropriately as he has no reason to lie to me.

I then began to second guess myself in relation to him. I am not pretty enough or smart enough or confident enough. I struggled y’all, really struggled to be OK but I wasn’t. I met someone who made my heart desire him and only him. I no longer wanted to date other people, I only wanted him and get this……he offered himself to me. Completely in the first few weeks told me without doubt that I could have all of him if I wanted. That he wanted to build a life with me and grow together.

And I froze. I panicked and acted all sorts of crazy.

I started dating other men more but without interest. I started pulling away from this guy and creating drama. One night I couldn’t take it anymore and ended it with him. He was polite and let it go. But I couldn’t.

I waited 12 hours then wrote him that I was sorry and I took it back and asked him to forgive me, which he did. Then he said something that brought peace to my soul. When I asked him if he still wanted to pursue this, he said, “I am open to it but I want you to understand what you are dealing with. I am nowhere near stupid and I allowed myself to be totally open. We connected on all types of things.”

And there it was, the truth in plainsight. Because his truth is my truth too.

I am NOT stupid. I AM open and if I invited this man, this experience into my life, then why for God’s sake am I running from it?

And why is it so hard to believe that I manifested the perfect mate for me? Have I not been doing my inner work all year? Have I not been focused on creating a life I could truly enjoy? Do I not deserve all the good things?

He showed up- the path is presented and I have two choices. I can walk this path or I can leave it alone. Of course I am going to walk it and again two scenarios. I come out of this hurt and pained or I come out of this with more abundance. Either way, I still learn and grow in the process.

So here I am, letting go of my fears and insecurities of all that can go wrong because it has in the past and timidly looking to a future where things actually go right.

And you know what? If it doesn’t go right? I still wouldn’t stop dreaming because its time. It’s my time to receive all the abundance that is promised to me. Love included.

Wish me luck my blog fans! Let’s see where this goes and you can trust and believe, I will be back on here to talk about it, keeping his identity a secret of course.

In ending, here is my advice and point of this blog. Yes love is scary and yes sometimes it is easier to put up barriers to love because it is safer being alone. However, one day your heart will meet someone who makes it excited. Allow it to explore the opportunity. There is something here that I promise you, will be worth the fear. So feel it but do it anyways. You owe yourself that experience more than anything.

xo Uma

Uma Alexandra Beepat is a published author of the Awakened Life by Balboa Press Publishing, the owner of the Lotus and the Light Metaphysical Center and a hopeless romantic who believes in soul centered love.

Looking for Peace Within & Without

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Sometimes we can be faced with so many overwhelming things that it feels necessary to run and hide or lash out. Sometimes we feel like that is our only choice.

Not necessarily and truth be told, either of those choices rarely lead you to where you want to be anyways.

The best thing to do as life quickly changes around you is to be present, be aware and stay focused on creating more joy and peace in your life. You do that by getting in touch with your higher Self or your intuition and taking direction from them.

I know, you are going to say but UMA! I can’t get quiet or create space for reflection when things are happening. I need to address what is happening!

Well yes and no. Yes if there is a fire on your stove, you need to put it out ASAP. Agreed. But if you are involved in a fight with a partner or feeling out of sorts with friends…you don’t necessarily need to have the answers right away.

You can take time to let it set and wait for more information to present. You can take the path of least resistance and allow things to unfold naturally. I had a friend who use to like saying, “I give people enough rope to hang themselves.”
I add to that by saying either they do and things get revealed or nothing is amiss and we can take the rope and play hop scotch!

As you go through this week, I ask you to do the same. It’s a testy time for many people so with fuses short, it takes literally anything to set someone off. Don’t get into it.

Hold space for everyone around you who is feeling these heavier energies and also for yourself. Take as many time outs as you need and if someone goes off on you, then withdraw. Don’t engage.

This past week I have taken the path of least resistance all week and it has been an enjoyable experience for me. I no longer have expectations of others and so when they show up in a nice way, it’s a pleasant surprise that I enjoy. If they let me down then I release them with loving kindness and keep it moving without judging their behavior.

We are nearly out of 2020 and at this point we don’t know if 2021 is our saving grace or the next sequel to 2020. While we can’t control the future, we can plan for the present moment by just doing the best we can with what we are given.

That my friends is staying present and aware. Enjoy it and be well this week.

xo UMA

Uma Alexandra Beepat is the owner of the Lotus and the Light Metaphysical Center in Northern VA. You can learn more about Uma and her center http://www.thelotusandthelight.com

Don’t feel good about it? Fix it!

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If you have been following social media, you may have seen me go through some visible changes over the past few weeks.

From the outside looking in, you may think, “Uma is in a world of drama!”

BUT actually I am not.

All of these changes were foreseen and I have been ready for them for quite some time. How?

Well about 12 weeks ago my friend Paulina and I decided to trade weekly Access Consciousness body process and BARS sessions in an effort to revamp our lives and make us manifesting machines. Whoa!

While we were prepared, we had NO IDEA just how much our lives would change with these weekly sessions! I started to live for myself and not for other people’s expectations. I started having way more fun than I have had in a long time. Sometimes I laugh so much, my cheeks hurt and that has happened twice this week alone!

As with everything positive, there is a negative association and for me it was the identification of certain events, people and situations from my life that was just beginning to feel heavy.

Getting rid of events and situations are easy because they are products without feeling. Changing relationships in your life is a bit harder because you have to take into account how someone feels and try your best to do it in such a way that they leave feeling empowered and not broken.

I always remember a favorite quote from Brenee Brown to deal with situations like this. It says, “Who you are is how you lead.”

My intent is not to hurt people and to also honor my change of heart. So with each situation, I walk carefully to honor them and me and pray to the highest Goddesses, that it all works out beautifully.

I can say without a doubt, so far it has. I’ve managed to release some working partnerships that no longer felt light to me while still respecting my business associates.

When you are faced with a situation you don’t feel good about, it is quite easy to change, the question is not HOW you can change it but IF you want to.

When I work as a life coach in helping people reset their mindsets, the biggest obstacle I come across is their desire to have a changed outcome without actually committing to any behavior changes. The desire is there but it is not strong enough to warrant change.

I am going to share with you three of my own personal tips that I use to create change in my life when I don’t feel good. I hope it brings joy and lightness to your life as it has for me!

  1. Be Realistic about your Plan and Outcome

When I am creating change about something in my life, the first thing I do is have a self pep talk about what will go down. For instance, it was brought to my attention recently that my October retreat was not selling as many tickets as it normally does for this time of year. Here was my pep talk:

Ok Uma you know from past experience that this retreat should have been sold by now but it hasn’t. Whatever the reason (COVID, Financial struggles, Lack of interest), it feels good to let it go. You know you may experience backlash from the community and the few people who already signed up and prepaid but brace yourself for it. Create time this week to deal with these energies and don’t get stressed. You got this!

By talking to myself (haha) and being realistic about the struggle that is coming up (cancelling an event, refunding clients, taking down ads) it puts me in a mindset of readiness for what is to come as oppose to lying to myself about it and then being caught unawares. Be prepared by facing the outcome and getting yourself mentally and energetically ready for it.

2. Put yourself First

There is a tendency in our lives to want to take care of others before taking care of ourselves first. Call it being a mom or a nurturer or just giving a damn, we like to help people.

Usually that is A-OK however not when you are dealing with a struggle that involves you. Make the committment and put measures in place to honor your thoughts, feelings and emotions and then look to taking care of others.

When you do this, you will feel lighter through the whole situation because you are simultaneously handling stress and providing means for your self care. It IS possible to come out of an unhappy situation feeling peaceful. Make the commitment to yourself first, honor it and it will give you the courage you need to address the struggle in your life.

When I recently went through the craziness in my own life, I kept setting up trades with my friends for my self care and scheduling days and weekends off to regroup and take care of me. I also allowed myself to move at whatever rate felt good. Some days I didn’t do a darn thing and some days I was up until 3am working. Honoring yourself and your energy takes many forms, learn to judge less and BE more.

3. Practice Heavy and Light Exercises

One of my favorite exercises (you probably had enough hearing about it) is the heavy light. According to Access Consciousness, what feels heavy to you is a LIE and what feels light to you is your TRUTH.

Hey Uma, do you want to go swimming with sharks?”

Hell NO! Immediately I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach so I KNOW it’s a lie to me!

Hey Uma, do you want to go on all expenses paid spa day trip with me?”

Yes Please! Immediately my shoulders relaxed and I felt a “brightening” around my heart. Message received.

The bottom line in dealing with not so good feelings is to be aware of that fact and work through it as best as you can. Sometimes we can do it on our own, sometimes we need the help of our social circles and sometimes we need professional help.

Don’t make a judgment, do what feels light to you and work at it. Your day in the sun is near so don’t get lost in the clouds. xo Uma

Uma Alexandra Beepat is a Soul Alignment Coach, Psychic Medium and Owner of the Lotus and the LIght Metaphysical Center. http://www.thelotusandthelight.com

A return to decency?

Over the past four days I watched the DNC virtual summit and I have to tell you, I feel good.

I woke up today feeling light. I realized in this moment that for the first time in four years, I feel a little safer. I didn’t realize I was on edge, anxious and waiting for the next shoe to drop. Are we really returning to decency?

Trump was sworn in 2017 and it didn’t take long for a knot to form in my stomach. As a woman and a person of color, I was terrified seeing the build up before he was voted in. But being the holistic person I am, I allowed myself to be  cautiously optimistic because well, if he was voted in, he may do a good job right?

Wrong.

I am going to list below ONLY things that caused me anxiety and worry as a person of color. If I had to list items pertaining to me as a woman and part of the LGBTQ community, we would be here all day.

I am sharing this for perspective. Many of you may not be in my shoes- a woman, a person of color, an immigrant, a single mom with two small kids and a small business owner.

I want to share what life was like for me over the past four years and how I am fighting for a different four years.

No matter who wins this election in the US, I am praying and manifesting peace for us all. We have been divided too long and need to find our common ground of decency and respect.

Below I share certain things that happened that personally affected me. Please read with an open mind. xo

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Only four days after his inauguration, I remember feeling that knot in my stomach when he signed executive orders to advance construction of the keystone and Dakota access pipelines that would taint drinking water and threatening sacred grounds for native Americans. Obama had blocked it. He was undoing it and watching the pain of our first people protest this made me unwell. I couldn’t help but think, “if he is attacking the rights of one group of people, would other groups follow?”

I didn’t have to wait long because the next day he signed an executive order to both bolster the United States deportation force and direct construction of a wall along the Mexican border. The executive order also expanded the definition of “priority for deportation” to include anyone charged with a criminal offense. This meant that people could be deported for even minor offenses such as traffic violations and shoplifting. I was terrified! I am a citizen but also an immigrant! Would there be cause for me to leave? The knot tightened.

In January 27, 2017 he signed what would become known as the ”travel ban,” an executive order which imposed a 90-day ban on citizens from seven Muslim-majority countries from entering the United States, while also indefinitely halting incoming refugees from Syria. Half my family is Muslim but not from these countries. It still affected us though because our thoughts at the time were again, “if them now, when will it be our turn?” I remember my dad and mom talking about moving back to our home country when these news broke and I was contemplating the same thing.

Then the unthinkable happened in August 12 2017: Charlottesville. I don’t even have to remind you. I was nauseous watching the news cover this event in my own backyard in a town only two hours from my own home. Beyond scared for my life isn’t even half of it. I remember kissing and hugging my boys who were growing too quickly into looking like men. Black men and Indian men and that was just as scary.

July 14th 2019: In a series of tweets, Trump attacked four congresswomen of color: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib and Ayanna Pressley. He said they “originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe.” Trump suggested that they “go back and help fix the totally broken and crime-infested places from which they came.” Ocasio-Cortez was born in New York, Tlaib in Detroit, and Pressley in Cincinnati. If he had no problem tearing down actual American born women, what would he do to someone like me? A naturalized citizen not born here?

There are more, lots more but these I remember.

In the two decades I have been a part of America, I have felt safe enough to exist without carrying a gun and having cameras on my security system. That changed during this presidency.

As much as this sounds like a political post, it is not. It is a genuine cry from someone for peace and harmony. I dedicated my life to service and serving my community at the Lotus and the Light Metaphysical Center. I have seen different people come in with different races, classes, religions, cultures and more but yet we all maintain a decent amount of decorum when interacting with each other.

As you read this, I ask for one thing- be kind.

As we approach November we are in the thick of election season. Just be kind. There are so many of us fighting private battles that no one knows about and lashing out to someone about their choice of vote is unnecessary.

In the end, love wins and we can count on that. xo Uma

Pivot Like Crazy

As quickly as I was hit with bad news this week is as quickly as I turned it around. That my dears is what we call a pivot in the coaching business.
August was looking really bright to me because I was about to embark on not one but TWO vacations! I was going to make my annual trip to Lilydale to see my beloved friend Joseph and stay at his guesthouse (Southern Comfort Inn) and then my kids and I were headed to the beach to celebrate my son’s birthday.
WELL! The audacity of COVID19 to upset my plans! (some humor here). I found out that both NY and SC required Virginia residents to quarantine for two weeks if we went. There goes the vacations.
On top of that, my mom was suppose to bring my kids back from Florida and she was now a little apprehensive about making the trip to Virginia and being stuck with us, leaving my dad alone. Turbulent times for sure.
We had a group phone call with my partner, my parents and me on the phone. My dad suggested that we come get my kids and in that way, my parents could see me.
Pivot.
I ran with it because i knew that my spidey senses were telling me to get my kids home quicker than I planned so I contacted and apologized profusely to my friend about not coming to New York and I contacted the travel agent to cancel the Myrtle Beach trip. I then shifted all my classes to allow us to drive down to Florida and head back before any more state closures happened.
I am racing against the clock but strangely enough, I feel calm. Part of my work as a spiritual coach is to help people through difficult situations in a calm and thoughtful manner. In a way, I guess my years of coaching people through these situations allowed me to stay calm as well.
What did I do? Three things to be exact and I share them here with you:
1) Remain Calm
When things don’t go your way, be honest, your IMMEDIATE reaction is to freak out. I get it, I do it too but now we are going to change it.
First you are going to allow yourself that initial freak out because well, its a natural response from you to stress. Once you had the experience, you are going to talk to yourself by asking questions to lighten the mood.
Start with, “How does it get better than this?” then go into “Okay, what is the good in this I am not seeing but would like to see?” and finally end with, “How can I pivot this to make it fun and a success for me?”
Even saying it, I feel lighter already. Don’t you? 🙂
2) Be Flexible
The important thing in a pivot is to not hold too tightly to the importance of the previous plan. You have to let that ish go. It’s done, dead in the water, kaput.
Remind yourself that you have choices and if you make the right choices in the right timing, this can actually work out in your favor! So be open to hearing other viewpoints and once you hear one that LIGHTS you up, there! That’s your answer! Run with it to step 3.
3) Don’t Hesitate-Make the Moves
My dad can be credited for the suggestion of us coming to Florida to get my kids yes! But I can be credited to moving quickly to have little to no casualty.
As soon as he made the comment, I felt light and I ran with it. I contacted the two hotels to cancel our reservations and ask for our refunds and then I rescheduled my classes to allow for drive time. I informed my partner as quickly as I could so he could shift his schedule too.
I had to move quickly because if I didn’t, this unfortunate change of plans could have become bigger. I could have had clients and students on the books who would have been upset with me for the last minute notice. I could have qualified for no refunds. It could have been worse.
When you find your way in the pivot, it is important to make the next steps quickly. You can’t second guess yourself now or allow others to taint your drive. Get it done and then after you can think about what you did.
As did I and you know what? I found even more hidden little gems.
After all plans were made, I had time to reflect on the experience. I was still a little sad at not seeing my friend and missing the beach so I did a YES/BUT exercise. This is what I do when I am down. It’s a way of BUTTING out of the sadness. It looks like this,
“Yes I will miss seeing Joseph this year BUT I can see him next year! Also we spent some good time this year working together and he plans to assist me with my current class so I get to see him again!”
“Yes I will miss going to Myrtle Beach BUT I went earlier this year in June and had a great time! I will look forward to going again in 2021 when things are safer.”
“Yes I am sorry my mom isn’t bringing my kids back and staying with me for a bit BUT I still get to see her and my dad. eat her delicious cooking, hang out at their pool and see my kids!”
See? It gets lighter.
I found myself pivoting like crazy in 2020. If you have been resisting change, I hope you can find these suggestions helpful and try them out. Who knows, you might actually start to enjoy the changes as it gives you a chance to exert your pivot power!
This week, be open and ready for change and when they come? Pivot like crazy!
xo Uma
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Riding the Waves of Ascension

Yesterday was a significant day in numerology as the date 4/4/2020 shows up as 444. And as you probably guessed it, everyone around the world was involved in some sort of meditation/gathering to pray/reiki/wish/manifest the virus away. I was not one of them.
I do not doubt that many people attending these gatherings had the best intentions but sometimes ignorance is not bliss, it is downright harmful.
Ascension is a lengthy process and it is often filled with rife and struggle, pain and discomfort.
While it would be easy to rid the planet of the virus through a combined collective of all our intentions, my polite question is, “Why?”
We are in the midst of an ascension process (in my opinion only not facts!) and it is about to get ugly. If we stop now, what would we have accomplished? A half journey to enlightenment and change? All those souls who passed on during this time, would their passing be in vain?
There is no right or wrong answer here, just theories and philosophy. The beauty of having a mind is to use it and create thoughts about current events.
Here are mine: We are experiencing the biggest global ascension right now moving firmly from a 3D world focus on material gain into the 5D world of unconditional love and compassion. The shift is happening NOW and many of us will make it but some will not.
The most important thing (again IMO) to do right now is to practice Ahimsa (non-violence) to ourselves and others. We can practice Ahimsa for ourselves by allowing ourselves to feel all that we feel without judgment and for others by holding space for them and forgiving them when they have a bad day or a rough time going through this. They may take it out on you and that’s when you can hold space for them.
We all wanted this didn’t we? To ascend to that next level but we didn’t expect it to come at such a cost or with so much pain. That’s ok, there is no “I told you so” coming from me, only love. Sweet love as I hold you my dear brothers and sisters in light and comfort.
Even if you did participate in the global meditations, your heart was in the right place and you meant well. So now, don’t wish this virus away.
Let nature run the course, let’s pray for our loved ones to be safe and sound and pray that we and them do not get swept up in the aftermath. Let us pray to hold the line and stay optimistic even on the darkest days. Because in the end, we need each other and it is perfectly ok to say that.
xo Uma
PS- I will be doing a talk on youtube about ascension and deprogramming on Wednesday April 15th.

How Conscious Am I?

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Have you ever had the thought: How Conscious Am I?

Probably not. It’s not something to think about….or is it?

I myself did not have the thought until recently when I noticed the shifting within myself was so vast and the changes were so noticeable that I had to ask this question.

A little backstory. At the time of writing this blog (trust me it’s not the day you are reading it!), I had completed 100 days of daily meditation. Consistently.

I am an avid meditator and have been meditating since 2009 but let’s be honest, life happened and I missed a day or two or six months. But no matter what happened, I would always get back on the serene horse and meditate again.

Why?

-Because it made me feel good

-Because it set the mood and intent for me to have a peaceful and calm day

-Because my partner, kids, anyone who was in my life required it

-Because I noticed that I stopped poking my nose into other people’s businesses (hello FB) and started minding my own

and the list goes on. I am not one to have habits but meditating is a habit I just can’t seem to break. SO being that it is stuck with me and I am stuck with it, I decided to do a little research into what meditation can do for me.

Of course this idea came to me today (the day I wrote this blog) on the 100th day of meditation. Well played Universe, well played.

So this is what I found. Read on and learn. Keep this question alive as you read, “Where do I see myself in this list?”

It is in Vedantic philosophy and Vedic Psychology of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi we can find knowledge on something called the seven states of Consciousness. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is the founder of the Transcendental Meditation (TM) movement. He describes the seven states of consciousness as:

  1. Deep Sleep
  2. Dream States
  3. Waking Consciousness
  4. Transcendental Consciousness
  5. Cosmic Consciousness
  6. God Consciousness
  7. Unity Consciousness

The first three states of Consciousness are accessible to every human being with a nervous system. They are part and parcel of the whole human existence thing.

Deep sleep we know (or would like to know some nights!) because we all sleep. What is interesting is that even though we sleep, we still have some level of awareness. Take for instance if there is a fire or the alarm goes off, most of us, if not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, can and will wake up. It is almost as if the mind and body are asleep but the Spirit is still awake and ensuring our safety.

In dream states, there is much activity that plays out in stories our minds create from our subconscious realms. It feels real! Even though we are dreaming, they are so vivid and real that we cannot tell it is a dream until we awake.

Waking Consciousness is supposedly our awake and aware state. I say supposedly because I actually prefer Vedanta’s take on it. According to Vedanta (Hindu philosophy), in life we wake from the dream states and enter another dream (smile). All of life can be seen as a dream! What is real and not real depends on the viewer and how they respond to it….just like a dream. 

The fourth stage and above is not available to every being. It is only available to those who go higher. Mostly this means meditation and self awareness.

Transcendental Consciousness:

A large body of research has indicated that during practice of meditation a fourth major state of consciousness, transcendental consciousness, is produced (Chalmers, Clements, Schenkluhn, & Weinless, in press; Orme-Johnson & Farrow, 1977).

This level of consciousness represents a state of restful alertness or awareness without drama as I like to call it. It can be seen in someone with a calm mind, peaceful purpose, inner knowing and contentment.

It is wholeness, aware of itself, devoid of difference, beyond the division of subject and object—transcendental consciousness.

In this state, a person is in company for blissful experiences not bound by thought or perceptions that create division, suffering or judgment. This state differs from the waking consciousness where the person perceives objects of experience as external and separate from himself. The individual self is experienced as localized or bound in time and space. This is why Maharishi (1969) refers to the status of the self experienced in the normal waking state as the small or lower self. This lower self is only concerned with egoic desires such as money, career, relationships, clothing, etc….

A person who wants to master themselves have to master the lower self first and this means taking the mind from the gross fields of existence to the subtler fields, until the subtlest field of relative existence is transcended.

Cosmic Consciousness:

The fifth level of consciousness is often referred to as the “Witness Consciousness” because it is here that you determine the consciousness is YOU everything else is your Self.

When you meditate and achieve transcendental consciousness, that is the first step beyond the normal realms of living. When you consistently meditate and stay in the fourth level, your nervous system stays in contact with this state of consciousness and you develop the ability to keep that inner silence while you perform other things such as thinking thoughts, being active and participating in life. Eventually it stabilizes and becomes a permanent state of consciousness which is this fifth level or Cosmic Consciousness. 

Everything becomes….quieter. The Ego that was raising hell to be seen, noticed or heard now dissipates. You begin to see the transitory state of everything, people, life, relationships, material possessions.

As uncommon as this state is for most people, it is still only one of the unfoldments in consciousness development. It is in fact the first of the permanent awakening but it is the beginning step.

God Consciousness

The beauty of unfolding is that there are still deeper layers to go and this is the case of the 6th Consciousness or God Consciousness.

As you transcend thought, you reach the inner Self, the Atman as Vedic Studies refer to it. It is here that you find the deepening of the bliss received from the 4th and 5th levels.

Your perception changes. You no longer see the surface issues presented to you and this is why you become Love. Your heart is expanded and your knowing is increased. You can only find joy and delight in everything, including the uncomfortable or setbacks in life. You are able to see how everything plays a role in the grand opera of life and this knowledge brings peace and bliss to you.

As this develops, so too does devotion. Devotion can be seen in a religious, spiritual, universal way or even more generalized. You have reverence for everything and everyone, every experience in life and this is why we call it the God Consciousness.

Unity Consciousness 

In Unity Consciousness, we see no difference. I am myself and myself is All. “Where once was the inner and the outer, the real and the unreal, the Self and the non-Self, the absolute and the relative, the eternal and the temporal — there is now only One.”

It is the full awakening where a person can be at peace and love with life wholly and fully. Completely engrained within the living of life and also completely engrained within all.

“This seventh state of consciousness could very well be called the unified state of consciousness because in that state, the ultimate value of the object, infinite and unmanifest, is made lively when the conscious mind, being lively in the unbounded value of awareness, falls on the object. The object is cognized in terms of the pure subjective value of unbounded, unmanifest awareness…. In this unified state of consciousness, the experiencer and the object of experience have both been brought to the same level of infinite value and this encompasses the entire phenomenon of perception and action as well. The gulf between the knower and the object of his knowing has been bridged. When the unbounded perceiver is able to cognize the object in its total reality, cognizing the infinite value of the object, which was hitherto unseen, then the perception can be called total or of supreme value. In this state, the full value of knowledge has been gained, and we can finally speak of complete knowledge.”(Maharishi)

I have to say that even though I am an avid meditator, it is only now (ten years later) that I am reaching if not fully engrained on the last two stages. It took awhile, but I am not hard on myself about it. I am just glad to be here.

Some of you might ask me, “What does it feel like Uma?”

While I cannot be a spokesperson for everyone who has touched the last three levels, I can speak from personal experience and this is what I have felt myself:

  1. I am happy

All of the time. Even when my water heater breaks down in the same week my dishwasher sprung a leak and after I worked eight hours to produce 85 slides for a class and none could be shown because the laptop wouldn’t connect to the TV…..all of the time happy! I know, sounds weird, but truly I floated through all of it.

2. I am peaceful

My partner and I have been together for four years now and those early years were rocky! I needed and required so much of his attention. Now it’s different. I no longer require him to be part of my process. I in fact am quite happy by myself. There are weekends I actually request time to myself for no particular reason. I just like the presence of me, and this (for a recovering codependent personality) is refreshing.

3. I am more intimate in my connections

Having touched the deeper parts of my Soul somehow makes it easier for me to do the same with other people. People have always been drawn to me because of my personality but I have noticed a shift. It seems like people are drawn to me now by my presence. I can feel it too, it feels like I emanate love without trying. From my limited perception, I would say that in my successful quest to knowing myself and knowing the world intimately, I have maintained the essence of that journey and it is a scent picked up by new hunters. They thirst for the same experience and I exude a fountain of it.

4. I am Aware.

The best part (to me) of reaching higher states of consciousness is the amount of awareness that I have about myself, people and life. I don’t fall for the *bs* anymore. Even better, I realize the *bs* is most times unknown also to the person feeding it to me.

This proved a dilemma in the beginning of my awakening. How do I proceed?

At first I would call people out on it. The lack of comeback because they were too stunned to respond made me realize that I was calling people out on things that they themselves did not realize. The reality of my words hit them so hard that it made ME feel bad.

So then I stopped doing that and instead tried to tell them what I knew and what I saw. This backfired too, because I was speaking to most people in a waking consciousness state. I literally had people say to me, “I don’t understand the words coming out of your mouth.” Even though I was speaking casually and normally, it sounded like a foreign language to them. Interesting.

So now, with my state of awareness, I say nothing. I do not engage. If I see someone acting from a place of unconsciousness, I leave it be. If they ask my opinion or want to know what my perspective is, I am happy to share. Otherwise, I keep my mouth shut, my heart open, my awareness on fleek and continue to have a peaceful existence.

It is with consciousness my life has improved. And now because of how much it has helped me tremendously, it is my deepest desire that we have the majority if not all people living from a state of consciousness. I can imagine what this world would look and feel like if we were all consciously living. It would resemble something like this:

Husband and Wife having a disagreement:

Wife: “You are so lazy, I can’t stand it.”

Husband: “Are you saying I am lazy because there are things to do around the house and I am not doing as much as you think I should?”

Wife: “Yes that’s it. I do everything around here and you just sit around and watch t.v”

Husband: “Do you think I can do more than what I currently do so you can have the opportunity to relax in your own way as well?”

Wife: “I would love to relax! But I am always working! And yes seeing you relax makes me angry because I have no time to relax.”

Husband: “Ok what can I help you with today in this moment so you can take some time for yourself to relax?”

Wife: lists all the things she has to do and works with husband to finish them or put off until tomorrow. 

Husband: “Now that we have created some space before dinner, would you like to join me in watching this show?”

Wife: “Actually no dear, you continue. I am going to draw myself a nice bath and soak for a bit before dinner. And I apologize for calling you lazy. I am projecting my own issues onto you instead of taking the time to communicate with you about them.”

Husband: “Apology accepted and I too apologize for not tuning into your frustration and stepping up to talk with you about what you were going through. Let’s make the rest of this evening a peaceful one.”

Hey I can hope and dream right? 🙂

Well, I can do more than that….I can educate, inspire and gently nudge people in the right direction….the path to meditation and unfoldment.

So here is your gentle push. Start today. Start with five minutes a day of complete silence and work your way up. I now meditate 30 minutes a day sometimes twice a day. I am working my way up to 40 minutes. You can be here too. Trust me, just start with 5 minutes and see what happens.

In the meantime I am going to go back to my regular schedule of staying in a state of awareness. Love to you all and blessed be

xo Uma

Umaselfie

 

Uma Alexandra Beepat is an intuitive consultant, psychic medium and spiritual teacher located in Northern VA. To learn more about Uma, visit http://www.umalotusflower.com

The Microcosm within the Macrocosm

This is an important time in history and by that, I am referring to the Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony against Brett Kavanaugh. It is important on a personal scale between these two people, on a community scale as the decisions are made to appoint or not appoint Kavanaugh and on a global scale as the Divine Feminine energy rises around the world.

Whichever side you are on, whatever your beliefs or opinions, it’s about to get ugly….. and not for reasons you think.

  1. The pain is still fresh years later

For many women and men who have been sexually abused or put in uncomfortable positions, this case is reopening old wounds. I have heard the testimony from Dr. Ford myself and it created a lot of discomfort and unease within me due to my own sexual abuse history. I watched Brett Kavanaugh defend his name and deny the claims, and it angered me as I personally thought of my own attacker and how he would act if I called him out.

Even though many of us suffered sexual abuse or misconduct at the hands of another many years ago, no amount of time or healing will wipe that memory clean. It still hurts on some level.

I have been active in my personal healing concerning this issue and for many years I thought I had a grip on it. I was able to heal my past, forgive my attackers, cut old cords and even get involved in a loving relationship with my soulmate. I am the mom of two boys and I am able to provide unconditional love and acceptance to them as boys who will later become men. Life was rosy, clean and full until….until it wasn’t.

As I sat glued to the TV screen watching in discomfort as Dr. Ford rehashed her memory of the event, I felt sad. As the senators grilled her and asked the questions, I felt anger. Many of those questions I could have answered myself.

“Yes I didn’t come forward because I didn’t think anyone would believe me or it wouldn’t get addressed.”

“Yes I only came forward now because circumstances created forced me to.”

As you can see, I am writing from a personal perspective….and this is what I want you to be aware of. That everyone who is watching this unfold, will come from a personal perspective.

  • People who have been abused will identify with this event in support of Dr. Ford
  • People who have been in Kavanaugh’s shoes or close to it, will try to simmer it down or be less involved with it, hoping for it to go away.
  • People who have not been abused but have loved ones who have, will be in support of Dr. Ford.

The list can go on. On some level, it affects us all. Whether it affects you personally or you are a parent of daughters and think of their lives….it will affect us.

So my request is for us to be kind to each other. As we create space to hear each other’s viewpoints on this matter, let us not only see from our viewpoint but from others as well. 

2. Men are being held accountable

It is no coincidence that Dr. Ford’s testimony came the same week Bill Cosby was sentenced to prison for a number of years. The Divine Feminine principle is on the rise and many are already hearing and feeling her call. Women are being asked (no longer politely) to stand up, unite and fight back against the men who were not honoring the Divine Masculine principle in healthy ways.

Not all men are to blame. We KNOW this. If you are a man and worried about being attacked for being a man, you are not getting the idea. ONLY men who have abused the privilege of masculine energy, love and higher principles are being called to the bar right now. Only those who fed on the weak, are on trial right now. So let’s not make this a divide between the male and female societies. It is a call to conscious trial for those who have abused power. Innocent men are not blamed or called up and for innocent men I thank you for living in unity with the Divine Feminine principle within yourselves and with the women in society. May you continue to grow in love, strength and spirituality.

This call to trial is not to humiliate or demoralize the accused either. At least I don’t believe so. I believe it is the Universe’s way to get the wayward Soul to go straight again, at least before they check out of this earth school.

Bill Cosby will have alot of time to think and hopefully make amends with his past behavior while in jail. No interviews, shows or books to write-just him and the walls. May he come clean to himself at least and receive his awareness at the age of 81. Better late than never.

The same for Brett Kavanaugh. At some point, I hope he is able to look at his situation from another perspective and see why his actions were hurtful to another. Ego will probably keep him from sharing that awareness with anyone else and that is fine. It takes a big person to admit their mistakes. If he can at least see it from Dr. Ford’s perspective and from the perspective of others who have come out with allegations against him, it may be a big learning lesson for him.

Let us not allow this event to divide us, but to unite us in compassion for each other and for ourselves. Women can do the same things men can do. They can abuse the Divine Feminine principle as well. As we continue to watch events unfold, let us remember this. One bad apple does not ruin a barrel of apples. Similarly we do not throw out a barrel of apples over one bad apple. It is about justice within reason, compassion and servitude. May we work together to heal our society. 

3. Awareness is growing in our society

I know for myself I am becoming much more mindful of my own behavior and speech towards others. I liked to call myself the “truth teller” or the “strict teacher” because I am passionate about helping people move past their excuses and getting on their path of success. I love hearing people talk about their goals in life and even more so when they make me part of it. I feel its my duty to help them get there when they entrust their lives in my hands.

As these worldly events unfold, I am taking a deeper look at myself and how my passion for helping may come across to those I am helping. Is it really helpful? Is it actually hurting more than helping?

I can see awareness growing in myself as I ask these questions and I know that other people in society are also having the same awakening.

We will never be perfect, we don’t need to be. What we need to do though is understand our roles, be compassionate with ourselves and others and do our best every chance we get.

Whatever the outcome with Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh, I am praying for both of them to receive healing, grow in awareness of self and contribute this new awareness to society. For me, I am going to do the same.

I am aware enough to know that I have not hurt people purposefully. I am aware enough to know that my drive and passion in thoughts, words and life can inadvertently hurt people and for that I am sorry. I am sorry for anyone who has come in contact with me and left with a bitter taste in their mouth. I am sorry and it is my promise to do better.

I do not need the Universe to make me take a stand for my actions, I chose to do it now with my awareness and I hope I can motivate others to do the same. Let us be accountable for our actions and make amends. We are all in this together and it is time for us to stand together as an united whole not parts divided. We are stronger as a collective and together we can rise.

May you all be well.

xo Uma Alexandra Beepat

Learn to Grow. Grow to Learn.

I fear the path of spirituality and where it is leading to.

From my personal observations, the scene has changed quite dramatically from the time I entered almost thirty years ago and I am almost positive the old timers….those from decades past, probably thought the same of my generation.

Are we getting better or worse in our hidden agendas, motives, secrets and lies?

Are we truly living to Be or living to get ahead?

What are we avoiding so much by pursuing our new found Spiritualities?

As much as I am outgoing and love to be in large circles discussing everything and anything remotely interesting….I also am quite introverted, concerned with deeper thought about the natural of our reality.

In my introverted moments, I have taken to observing people and matching what they say with their words to what their body shares with its language. Arguably, 90% of the time it doesn’t match up.

I am trained in body linguistics and I notice that there is tension, stiffness and unease when some people are making statements that are not in alignment with their higher truth. I don’t say a word to them about it.

Why? Well it is said in communication, be the observer not the evaluator; meaning that if you mix the two, the communication becomes unhealthy and violent with others.

For example, this is a mix of observation and evaluation: John is a lazy man.

This is an observation: I have noticed that when John is not working, he likes to lie on the couch and watch his netflix shows. He will invariably do this every night when he comes home from work before having dinner and going to bed.

So why am I worried about the spiritual path? Because it seems more people these days are making statements where they combine the two-observation and evaluation- and then pass it off as the Golden Truth or the only way it is. This coupled with not enough shadow work is seeming to me to be the downfall of the Spiritual generation.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

There is a term for communication with observation and evaluation; it is called Violent Communication and it is named so because it brings pain, harm and threat to those receiving it.

As a mentor in psychic spiritual development, it is imperative that I teach from this concept because it keeps our “egoic” self out of the reading and allow Spirit to work through us.

As a spiritual teacher it is imperative that I teach from this concept because truly, there IS more than one way of doing something. My way is one way, the student’s way is another and there are plenty more where that came from.

I am being triggered by those in our community that take a stance, have only one perspective, create a lack of choice, create fear or disgust and bring heaviness to the divine path of spirituality.

It needs to stop.

As most of you know, I own a holistic wellness center and massage school in Northern Virginia. I hold about 10-20events/month and I am receiving new faces at many events. Within this population of new faces, I would venture to say that about 75% of them have come from another group or school that taught in such a way, it broke their Spirit, their confidence and their interest in evolving spiritually. It breaks my heart.

Of course, I say nothing. It is not my agenda to discuss another teacher’s work or get into the “WHY” of what they did. That would be observation with evaluation. No, instead I focus on what is presenting before me-the meek, the broken, the hurt and the confused; and my agenda is simply to clarify, to expand, to inspire and to create.

I frequently encourage my students to try out other Meetup groups and teachers in their Spiritual journeying. It is important to get a well rounded flavor of spiritual thought, actions and processes so the student can decide what works for them and what doesn’t. I am neither offended or proud when a student leaves my practice or joins my practice respectively. I am concerned on what they are receiving and how they are presenting in life.

A long time ago, someone had said that I was more committed to someone’s spiritual path than being liked or appreciated. That stuck with me because that is my Truth. I do not say things just to be on your good side, I say things to invoke thought and perspective on issues you are stuck on.

I am not here to be liked, I am here to be respected for the outstanding work I do and how I have helped you on your path in some way. 

In communication, I have also noticed that people are not listening as much to listen but instead to respond. You can tell by the quick answers they provide without even hearing out the question. They have already formulated what is to be said. It is to be said because it is to match the ideal they have set. The ideal they have set is to match the picture in their head of who they are.

It sounds amazing for LOA but for digging deep, it is a nightmare.

When Rob and myself book packages with clients, many times it is because that first session or two is spent peeling back the layers of ideals and grand schemes. Yes I understand you want to get there, but before we do, I need to understand the shadow self and what you are capable of when you self-destruct.

And yes you will self-destruct. It happens in all of us and I would like to think it is a fail safe mechanism instilled in us to prevent over-anything. Over-success, Over-fame, Over-fortune, Over-joy, Over-pride, Over-greed. You get it, all the overs and overs.

The “Overs” take us out of this moment and to a place far, far away. It stops us from being in the moment and learning how to accept something as is, without evaluation.

There is no right and wrong, good or bad…it just IS.

Lastly, as I see the growth of spirituality rise, I see the darkness of the shadow self shrink. And it is not shrinking because people are doing the work; no in fact, it is shrinking due to ignorance, non-acknowledgment and drive.

  1. Ignorance: If I ignore those deeper feelings and keep chanting or saying positive affirmations, all day every day, things will change. I call this the ‘Fake it Till You Make It” method. Many new age Spiritualists are using it and while it feels fresh, positive and upbeat….because of its hidden agenda to hide the darkness undertone, it just comes across as an uncomfortable dinner with family who is fighting but putting on a show for visiting friends and loved ones. It feels fake and then it gets awkward because I realize that these people are really believing they are putting on a show and I am buying it, but I am not buying it and then I feel guilty about that because there is so much effort here to convince me and I really should make an effort to believe it…..sigh. This is what happens when I get around these kinds of people and then I start to act strange around them because all of this is going on in my head.
  2. Non-Acknowledgment: I can deal with the ignorant because at least they KNOW they have a dark side but choose to ignore it. A certain group of people I cannot be around is the non-acknowledgers. Oh boy, this is a doozy. It is a doozy because they don’t even know they have a problem. It may sound shocking but not quite..think of the friend who is in an abusive relationship or has a pattern of dating the same men. Think of the person who is always losing their job and sleeping on couches from time to time. With this group of people, I feel compassion for them because they are unaware of the problem they are experiencing which is creating the life situations they are in. It would take me a good year of working with one of these people to get through and even then, success in a turn around in not quite guaranteed, We normally tend to fight going into our shadow work and when you have someone new learning about their shadow self and then told it is responsible for the majority of decisions they are making? It might be brain overload!
  3. The Driven: There is a definite change in culture as of recent; with recent being about 3-4 years ago. When my partner and I came to holistic study and learning, we came to fix ourselves. It was not even a thought to become a healer, own a center or create spiritual community. We were selfish! We wanted the healing for ourselves and we bonded over our respective pain bodies. We motivated each other and Rob did an hour of energy healing on himself every day and I did two hours of spiritual practice on myself every day. I called them my MERCY mornings which stood for Meditation, Exercise, Reiki, Card Reading and Yoga. I latter moved away from that description and changed it to MERRY mornings and created a workshop out of it to help people develop their own spiritual practice. In doing our hourly self-healing practices every day, we were facing our shadow self head on. We were not hiding, dismissing or creating goals to avoid- we were facing our demons head on and mostly by ourselves without the help of others or community. These days I meet people who recently had an awakening, stated taking a couple of classes and have decided they want to be a healer or own a center. I would be a millionaire if I collected money from people who told me their goal in life was to own a wellness center and do all the things I did.

The thing is, if you really want that, then you have to go get that. BUT, one favor I am going to ask you….is to go within, spend some time with yourself and ask yourself truly, “What is it that I deeply desire?”

I once had a student remark that I made everything look effortless and when she looked at me, she thought Effortless. 

I will tell you now that it is such a nicer feeling (and an effortless one!) when Spirit has something planned for you and you discover that as you grow and mature on the Spiritual path than if you decide something is for you and it may not be for you.

In owning a wellness center, Spirit deemed it necessary for me to have this. I have not ever thought about owning a wellness center in my life. As I started to grow and develop, I started seeing visions of this wellness center. I doubted it. Then Spirit sent messages through clients and friends who also had the vision and then I doubted less. Then Spirit brought the money, people, location and business to me. So I accepted.

Everything I have on the Spiritual Path came to me easy, in perfect timing and with abundance. Why? Because I had no agenda. LITERALLY.

A brief synopsis of my journey thus far:

  1. Had two kids –> realized I did not want to use my Master’s degree in Health Care Management to work the regular 9-5 anymore. I wanted to be home with my babies! So what next Spirit?
  2. Spirit pointed me and paid for massage school outright! A year of learning, making new friends, growing and evolving. I need a job now Spirit! What’s next?
  3. Hired at my first spa job a month before I graduated massage school. Pointed in the direction of Reiki and Reflexology. Love this! What’s next?
  4. Spirit created enough income for me to leave the spa jobs (3 at the time) and work full time from home. Yaaaah! This is what I wanted! To be accessible to my kids. Awesome! What’s next?
  5. Spirit created enough income for me to rent space outside of my home to regain privacy of home. My popularity started growing and I had to relearn boundaries and professional separation between my personal life and professional life. Lots of lessons, I am humbled. What’s next?
  6. Lots of requests from clients to write a book with all my sage advice and wisdom. Spirit woke me at 3am and we wrote the book and was done by 11am with the outline. Within two weeks, the book was completed. Sold and is a big hit with readers. Wow, how humbling, I am a published author now. Thank you Spirit. What’s next?
  7. Lots of massage school closings in our area, we need massage therapists on the forefront of healing and self-care. Spirit provided the means and resources to open a massage school. Location? Spirit created space down one floor in the same building I am in! Yaaah! Ease and Joy! No commute!

I will stop there, because you get the picture! I had no plans. If you talked to me 10 years ago and told me all the things I would accomplish by the time I turned 40, I would have thought you were on something.

In each scenario, I am happy and content with what is in front of me. When I take a class, I take it for the love of learning not to reteach it at my studio. There are so many modalities I am qualified and certified in that I have not yet taught at the center. Why? Simply because Spirit has not deemed it necessary yet. And if and when they do, I will be ready to do such a thing.

If you are reading this, and you are triggered in anyway by what you are reading, I do apologize for how you feel. I recommend you go into those feelings because that is the beginning of the shadow work. To understand your triggers and why you feel pain from my words or anyone’s words. It can only sting if there is some element of truth in it that you are denying yourself from seeing. See it, deal with it and work through it.

In closing, I would like to reiterate with what I started with. I fear the path of spirituality and where it is leading to.

When I started out in spiritual community ten years ago, I was spoiled. I had the most delicious experiences with people who were vulnerable, raw, open, honest and authentic. No one sought to be on a pedestal above others and no one was learning or attending events to become a healer. We were rejoicing in learning and sharing space, digging into our shadow selves and learning from them. This was my experience and it proved invaluable in making me the person I am today. I wish this for everyone too.

I will keep observing and paying attention. I may not say much but I will continue to think alot. It is my deepest desire we return to a state of vulnerability and humility.

Where we can show up for each other with compassion and love, instead of envy or entitlement.

Where we can listen to hear and not listen to respond.

Where we can be the constant student and step up to the path of the teacher when we are called to it by Spirit.

Where we can sit at the feet of teachers we hold in high regard not because of the number of certificates they have but because of the beauty of their words well chiseled over time from pain, suffering, learning, growing and sharing.

Where we can exist without an agenda or need to be something we are not.

Where we can stop degrading ourselves by “searching for a purpose” and revel in the joy of living.

Because truly there is no greater purpose than that.

Until next time,

I will see you and see you xo

Uma

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Uma Alexandra Beepat

http://www.umalotusflower.com