Mercury Retrograde in Pisces

We are in the middle of a mercury retrograde, the first one of three this year, and I have to say, it hasn’t been quite bad! I have been enjoying it more than I usually do and my upsets seem to be related to technology only. Whew!

Definitely a treat compared to when Mercury was retrograde in Aries last year. Much different energy!

Today we will talk about what mercury retrograde in Pisces means and how to safely navigate out of one. This current retrograde period ends on March 28th and we have a little room to breathe before we are hit with three more planetary retrogrades in April.

If you have never heard of Mercury retrograde or understand the issues that tend to arise during this period, read all about it here.

Mercury Retrograde in Pisces brings about a conundrum of sorts. Mercury is at home in the signs of Gemini and Virgo. Virgoan and Gemini interest is in the details and well, that wouldn’t work in the watery sign of Pisces.

In Pisces, there is a need to take a wider, more expansive, mystical view of life. Most people do not like change, so if you tend to be rigid in thinking or controlling in thought, this can be a very challenging time for you. Expect things to shift to create chaos to get you to uncling from these hard and fast beliefs. Going with the flow is so necessary now and being able to change at a moment’s notice will make it easier.

I myself have had to reroute regularly, sometimes even hourly! But this is the beauty of learning about life outside of our viewpoint. In learning about retrogrades and especially this one in Pisces, it has helped me keep an open mind and see change as fantastic and not something to be feared.

Indeed I am an Earth sign and have a couple of signs in my chart that are mutable (non fixed) so going with the flow is easy for me. There are some signs that are definitely impacted more than most this season and they are:

Signs Mostly Affected this Pisces Season:

  1. Water Signs-Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio

As a water sign, you already know how to swim effortlessly through change so keep at it! Allow yourself to expand, redirect, change directions and take risks. Others may not support you or even doubt you but don’t let them! You are in swimming season, so keep your positivity up and watch some amazing things happen this retrograde season!

  1. Fire Signs- Aries, Leo and Sagittarius

Cool down fire sign! You may be struggling this season because there is an innate tendency in fire signs to want to WIN no matter what the cost. In this retrograde season you can expect to see your important relationships challenged. It can be home, personal, business or in the community. Before you make sudden and drastic decisions (impulsive much?), take a breath, CALM DOWN and wait this season out. If you don’t take this time out, you can create much damage that may not be repaired.

Tips to Flow during this Season:

No matter what sign you are, for the remainder of the retrograde season, do these three things or place some importance on them:

  1. Allow yourself to daydream

You are having a hard time with a project at work. Instead of contemplating the solution with what you have available (may not be much), imagine a different outcome if you lived in a “perfect world” and you had every resource available to you.

This kind of daydreaming is what Pisces energy is built on! Allow your mindset to drift and imagine bigger and better things than you currently have. You may be surprised to see some of your outlandish dreams coming true or heading in that direction!

2. Self Care focus and take breaks

Many of us have noticed with the advent of this retrograde period, we just couldn’t seem to get out of bed. Ohhhhh the energy drain! As much as we are SUPPOSED to take care of ourselves all of the time, it is especially crucial during a retrograde season.

I am pretty good about taking my daily multivitamins and probiotics but come retrograde time, I am fanatical about taking them every day! I also tend to go to bed earlier, have more nap times during the day and be willing to be break commitments to honor my energy.

Work at the pace that you can comfortably. A retrograde doesn’t last forever! With the incoming new moon in April, you can expect to get that drive back and have interest in all the things prompt and fast moving!

3. Hold space for others and/or limit social time 

Many people do not follow astrology or pay attention to these deeply impactful planetary movements. Forgive them anyway. ūüôā

The beauty of knowledge is that it becomes wisdom when shared or experienced. This information you learn, is not meant to be storehoused in a corner of your brain until you die! No, no, no! You learn, you grow and you expand…..this in turn helps you to help other people.

Maybe no one wants to listen to you go on and on about planets. Cool. When THEY start getting irritated or frustrated, don’t judge them or make fun of them, take a higher approach and hold space for them.

Also, it is ok and perfectly normal to pull away from people in general when you are in a retrograde period. It is a time of deep introspection so if you feel to curl up in your home and spend some time by yourself, have at it! Build your energy for the times you do feel social.

Tips to leaving a Retrograde Period: 

As we come to the end of mercury retrograde in Pisces on March 28th, here are some realistic expectations you can do to make it comfortable:

  • Be aware. Whatever you started in a retrograde period CAN end as life returns to normal. This is why it is suggested not to start a relationship in a retrograde peiod. If you did start something, then allow yourself to be flexible and ready for adjustments. It may not end, it can change in some other aspect. Whatever happens, be open and accepting of what comes your way.

 

  • I don’t know why but it seems like the end of the retrograde period tends to be the toughest! I can sail through a season easily until its last two days and then all hell breaks loose! Because of this happening frequently, I have learned to slow down and create space in between my TO DO list of things. When a planet ends its retrograde, the energy can be supercharged, so we can all be a little frazzled and exhausted anyway, and need the extra time to rest so we‚Äôre not completely burned out. Once the retrograde is over, work on replenishing your energy. Rest.

 

  • Pay attention to what areas are ruled by the house the planet retrogrades in (in this case Pisces) as they tend to get the brunt of the problems during the retrograde. Start to make plans for how you can right whatever went wrong, and get everything back to normal (or better than normal) soon after the retrograde ends.

 

So as we journey through this water sign, take your time, relax and breathe. You got this, sometimes you may forget but I am here to remind you, all the power lies within you! Now that you are armed with this knowledge, go forth and blossom!

xo Uma

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Uma Alexandra Beepat is an intuitive consultant, spiritual teacher and owner of Lotus Wellness Center in Northern VA.

To learn more about Uma, visit http://www.umalotusflower.com

 

Codependent or Healthy in Love?

codependent relationship

Relationships are a funny thing. We hear often that famous saying, “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” Isn’t that the truth?

Most times we say it in love and with laughter, but for some, this phrase is an actual statement into a deeper issue, one that supercedes fun, light and love. It’s about codependency.

What IS codependency? According to Wikipedia, codependency is the term used to describe¬†a dysfunctional relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. Like whoa.

Aren’t we supposed to have our OWN identity in relationships?

While for most of us, we believe so, for some codependent people, the belief is that they are not complete until they are in a relationship and that person they are in love with, completes them.

jerry maguire

I mean who can forget that scene in the Jerry Maguire movie when he says those same words, “You complete me.”¬†

It sounds romantic and I am sure for some, it is a desire to hear these exact words but I urge you to STOP! It is another Hollywood scenario that sounds better on screen than in real life.

Remember 50 Shades of Grey? Very exciting movie and book, but think about it in real life. Think of it especially with a partner who may not be a milionaire and owns a hundred companies and looks like Christian Grey. Hey realistically most of us can’t or won’t attract that kind of guy into our lives in this lifetime (being real not pessimistic). Would it be as romantic if your guy lived on his friends’ couches and didn’t hold down a job? I thought so.

In life, we have to learn to discern what sounds more like a great fantasy or what can actually work in our life. Most times, romantic fantasies need to stay just there, in fantasy.

Here are three signs of a codependent relationship. If you notice some or all of these, hang tight. I got you. I will also talk about connections in love xo.

Signs of a Codependent Relationship:

1. Your Sense of Purpose is delayed as you tend to your partner’s needs¬†

When I was  younger, I was very  much caught up in a codependent relationship with a boyfriend. I was a rising star at my college and given many blessings to advance forward in my path, but truthfully, I cared more about how he felt than my future. I remember there was a leadership conference and each college in the NorthEast United States were allowed to send two representatives from their school. Of course I was selected to represent my school and guess what I did? I threw it away to spend the week with my boyfriend.

When you are in a codependent relationship, the other person seems more important than you. Their needs, their desires, their wants are catered to and yours barely are acknowledged.

To break out of this mold, (and yes you can) the power scales need to be balanced. Start by taking inventory of a month. Are you only doing activities your partner wants to do or are your needs met? If you notice a tipping of the scales in their direction, have a talk with them and let them know that this is an issue for you and you would like it to be more balanced in your relationship. Either they will agree with you or not, and then you get to decide how that goes. But for now, start with inventory. Take an honest look at your relationship and decide how it feels.

 In its broadest definition, a codependent is someone who cannot function from his or her innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance.

2. You believe the other person is responsible for your happiness 

In the first sign mentioned above, it is expected that the scales are as balanced as they can be to make it an equal relationship. This balancing does NOT equal out to your partner catering to you to make you happy.

One time I was arguing with a boyfriend when I was 14. I remember this clearly because of what I said and his response.

Me: ” I am so unhappy! It is your responsibility to make me happy in this relationship!”

Him: “Well then we are screwed because it is not my job to make you happy, that is your job. My job is to focus on my happiness and together we create a happy relationship.”

Lord that boy was smart. Smart and right.

No one can make you happy. YOU know this! But yet, once we get in relationships, it seems like all logic goes out the window and for some of us, we turn into whiny little babies who need constant attention.

We start placing blame when things go wrong and never think to look at ourselves. Why is this?

Sometimes we place the heavy obligation of happiness on another’s shoulder because we don’t want to face the truth that the relationship is not meeting our needs. We may know that it is time to move on but fear of being alone or dying single, keeps us in place. Then when we stay, we become unhappy and place that blame on our partners’ shoulders.

Be the bigger person. If you are not happy in your relationship, leave. If you are not happy with yourself, get help. Whatever it is, do anything but blame your partner. Because you know what? If your partner truly is the source of your unhappiness, then go back to step 1 and leave. It really is that simple.

I believe some people feel if they complain about it, it will somehow magically change to what they want. This is not how the Law of Attraction works. In fact, the more you complain about a source of displeasure, the more of it you will attract. I have tried repeatedly to share this information with several people in my life and guess what happens? Absolutely nothing. They keep complaining, and they keep staying in the rut they are in. In life, you have to know when to help and when to walk away and for these individuals, I tend to walk away.

If you can’t create a happy life using the resources you were given or have attained in life, then no one else will do it for you. This is your burden to bear. Figure it out.¬†

3) You need to be around that person all the time 

When you are with them, you feel ALIVE and full of love and happiness. When you are away from them, you call/text/snapchat often. When you can’t reach them, you are dying on the inside. If you do have peace and quiet in your alone time, it is because you know they are at work or the dentist and can’t access their phone. You feel happy and content.

Sounds familiar?

Being alone is necessary. It is in our times of silence and solitude that we uncover the parts of ourselves that need the work or can do with some improvements. When you are around someone all the time, (and yes it can be the same person or different people), you are engaged in interactions. There is no time to reflect, meditate and do some self-analysis.

I think some people use people for constant companionship because they don’t want to have introspection! They know on a deeper level, there are some issues to sort out but don’t have the drive, interest or courage to do so.

I have met some highly functional and successful broken people and have been impressed! They have shrouded themselves in such a strong invisibility cloak, it would make Harry Potter jealous!

Try to factor in some alone time away from your partner. How does it feel?

If it brings up anxiety, stress or fears, then you are onto something. You may have hidden out in a codependent relationship for awhile but cleverly crafted it as, “We are a team” or “We do things together”.

No you are not. You were born into this world alone and you will go out alone. This precious partner of yours will not sacrifice their life to go with you at the end of your timeline. And more than likely, they will eventually move on and be with someone else until their end of time. This is natural because at the core of it, we each need to survive and thrive.

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Now that we have some signs of codependency, let’s look at some signs of a healthy relationship. For some of you, there is a possibility to change a codependent relationship to a healthy one so why not try now? Just because you have identified being in a codependent relationship, doesn’t mean you have to be stuck in it. Here are three signs of a healthy relationship:

1) You Respect each other’s Boundaries¬†

My partner loves riding his Harley and loves his dog. He will not tolerate anyone in his life that does not respect his need to ride and his time with his dog. I can tell you that I am not particularly interested in riding on the back of his motorcycle and I am not a pet owner or dog lover (I know shoot me). How do we make it work? We respect the boundaries.

I join him on his weekend bike rallies by either driving there with him or staying back so he can go with his friends who also love to ride. When we plan our schedules, we factor in time for him to go riding. I find something else to do. With his dog Silas, we include him in our plans and then we create events without him. We work together while respecting each other’s boundaries.¬†

When you truly listen to your partner, you are not listening to respond but rather to understand. What makes them tick? What sets them off? And what can you do in the process to respect their process while also respecting yours?

Boundaries are needed in relationships! It lets each person know the level of safety and comfort available based on needs. Once needs are respected, each partner can relax more into the relationship and develop deeper bonds.

Take a personal inventory of your own relationships now. Do you know your partner’s boundaries? Do you respect and uphold them? What can you do differently to show respect for what your partner requires?

When you respect your partner’s boundaries, you allow room for connection because they trust you. They trust that you will not hurt them, not by your words but by your actions. This means everything to a person. I know it does for me.

If you don’t know what your boundaries or your partner’s boundaries are, no problem! Start making a list! I like to make a page with three columns and write down all the things I want in a relationship, what I can compromise on and what I cannot or will¬† not tolerate. For example, I want a kind person in relationship, I can compromise on if they are a pet owner and I will not tolerate smokers. Once you make your list, ask your partner to do the same and it doesn’t matter if you have been together for 2 months or 20 years, start now in communicating! Boundaries can change over time as we age, so don’t be surprised if your partner says things that seem new to you. This is the process of connecting and if you stay with it, you will reach deeper levels of your relationship!

2) You have no problem saying NO to your partner

One time I was really into studying the ancient arts of tantric practice and I dragged my partner along with me. We were both in a room with our tantric teacher, me in a sarong and him in a sarong that barely covered his body. He looked delicious but uncomfortable! He went through the private session with me and loved it but he put his foot down and refused to go to a group class with nakedness where we talked about intimacy! He drew his line!

And you know what I did? I respected it. I didn’t push, beg, manipulate or anything of the sort. I agreed and found ways to continue my tantra study through books and online courses and then used the practices with him in the sanctity of our home.

In a relationship, you can say no. You don’t have to cosign to everything. Sometimes I see women doing the craziest things to please a man! Things they would never do but did it to keep his attention. Guess what happens? Invariably a breakup happens and those same women go bat s**t crazy! You know why right? Because they sacrificed their time, money and effort to be with him and they can’t for the life of themselves, figure out why he wouldn’t want to stay.

Say yes to the things that make you happy and interested to do. When my partner asks me to go visit his daughter in Myrtle Beach, hell yes please! When he asks me to go to a football game in the dead of winter, not so much.

You have to have a firm basis of stability in your relationship to be able to say no though. If you are insecure and unsure about yourself and the relationship, chances are you are going to keep saying yes to things even though you rather not. What happens is you will start to break down energetically and exhaustion sets in. You overextend yourself and you will feel it in the long run. Concerning your partner, you may shift blame to them for your tiredness or crankiness even though you were the one that said yes!

Save yourselves and your relationship this nightmare by just honoring where you are, what you need and what you can and cannot do. Trust me, they will love you for it and sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

3) You have a life outside of your relationship

When I do relationship coaching, I invariable start out with my clients drawing a pie chart and having them fill in each pie piece with what is needed for a well rounded life. Some write health, love, social, money, career, spirituality etc…. And then I have them color in the pie pieces on a scale from 1-10 with 1 meaning little to no effort and 10 as maxium effort.

For my codependent clients, most times the love piece is fully colored in and for the other parts there is a lot of blank paper!

Guess what happens to these same people who have break up? They absolutely crumble.

When you place all your worth, time and attention on any ONE of those pie pieces, your whole world can end if that piece is taken away. It is important to have a life outside of your relationship. Start by asking these questions:

  • Do I have a daily spiritual practice?
  • Do I spend enough time with my friends and social circle?
  • Do I work hard enough or too hard?
  • Do I take vacations?
  • Do I work out daily or weekly?
  • Do i spend enough time with my partner, too much or too little?

When you start asking these questions, you train yourself to see where your attention is. If you noticed in one week, you never meditated, worked out, made a home cooked meal and spent all your time at work….you can see how imbalanced a life is.

Create a life where you thrive in all areas of your life so if one unfortunately has to be removed, you can mourn in appropriation. It doesn’t consume you because there are so many other pieces that are working.

In the end, we all are pursuing happiness. If we attach this happiness to a relationship, we can create sadness by its departure.

Learn how to have healthy habits for the sake of your healthy body, positive mind and thriving soul. In return, your relationships in your life will blossom as you now have more to contribute to them than take from them. How wonderful that will be for everyone!

Until  next time, stay in the love and the light

xo Uma

Untitled design (9)Uma is an intuitive consultant, consciousness coach, published author, inspirational speaker and the owner of Lotus Wellness Center in Northern VA.

To learn more about Uma’s classes and services, visit http://www.lotuswellnesscenter.net